Yesterday was a really bad day.
When we had to leave our house because of black mold (September '08), we had to leave our dog, Fancy, here. I put plastic up and opened the windows; doing everything I could to keep her from breathing the air that was contaminated. We came back to the house several times a day to play with her and love on her, feed her. A friend let us borrow their pop up camper, so once we got that set up, we were at least "home" and could spend more time with her. Still, with all of our efforts, it was a very stressful situation...for all of us.
Fancy began showing signs of stress, even after we got back in the house. She would snap at people, growl, and even go at them trying to bite them. Eventually that started happening to my younger kids. While most of the time, my kids were probably provoking her, I knew it still wasn't like her. I took her to the vet. She said trauma affects everyone and every animal differently. She said American Eskimo's/Spitz are known to be temperamental anyway, so this probably pushed her over the edge, so to speak. We started giving Fancy her own space, and would usher her away when crowds were coming.... still, she would act out to certain people; even to Christopher, and shockingly, there were times he would just walk in the room and she would go nuts.
This past week my nieces and nephews were here from Indiana. They were all the time. For some reason Fancy didn't take to them very well. I tried keeping them separate as much as I could and wouldn't leave them alone with her intentionally. Yesterday, I had forgotten I had put Fancy out. Hannah went out to play to Bandit, our cat. Within a few minutes I heard the dog going absolutely nuts. She had cornered Hannah in the porch and was jumping on her trying to bite her. I have never been so fearful in my life. That little girl held on to me like I have never had a child hold on to me. She was crying and shaking uncontrollably. I knew, at that very moment, if I hadn't been there things would have been worse than a scare.
I called my vet; they said unfortunately, there was nothing they could do other than medicate her with a daily tranquilizer. Well, folks, I can't afford to get my prescriptions filled half the time, I couldn't justify getting prescriptions filled for my dog. So our only other option was to take her to the pound. I know, I know, gasp... curse me, whatever. I just keep thinking if I hadn't been there how worse it could have been, and seeing the fear on that little girl's face.... oh my gosh it was horrible.
So, here we are, the morning after. I've spent the night crying, wondering if I made the right decision, regretting my decision.... Kayla is broken hearted and just doesn't understand. The little ones miss her too; but I have been reading them "From the Pound to the Palace" by Van of Proverbs 31 Ministry (check out her blog link to the right of this page) and they seem to be OK with it. They miss her, just like I do.
I tell you all this, because this morning when I got up, I had a "love song" waiting on me on my fb page from a friend. She has no idea, no one knows of what occurred yesterday as it happened so fast, so when I listened to the words of this song, I knew, that while I had just said hours before that it seemed like God had left me, that He really is here....through the good times and the bad. I have heard this song before, but never listened to it with my heart. I hope and pray that you will listen to the words of this song with your heart, that you will slow down enough to block everything out.
My friend was used as a messenger of the Lord for me. I'm thankful I have friends that are sensitive to the spirit.
Enjoy the song.
You Are God Alone