OK ya'll, if you will recall nine short months ago I announced that my beautiful younger sister was expecting. I asked ya'll to pray for her a few days ago as she would be traveling to Lexington during the ice storm for a doctor's appointment. Thank you for praying for her. Michelle is due February 5th! As of her appointment last week, the baby was estimated to be 7lbs, 5 oz. We "Bruntlett" girls have big babies! My first was 7lbs, 14 oz; second 10lbs, 2 0z; and my third was 9lbs, 3 oz! Woohoo!
This one is my favorite! Isn't she beautiful ya'll!
OK, thanks to the help of my 16 year old daughter who knows everything and my handy IT husband, I now have my "song of the year" on! Turn up the volume and enjoy! If you want to see this breathtaking video, scroll all the way down. God Bless.
Do you remember Atari? I love the old Atari game! I would love to find one and have one... anyway, Frogger was my all time favorite game, I loved it! I haven't played it in years. Well, I was playing with my set up and looking for a way to play a song when ya'll open my blog, and came across it, yeap, that's right...The Frogger Game!!! I've added it to the right side of my blog. I hope you'll have fun and play a game! I just love this game!
I don't mind speed bumps, especially the ones that have signs. It's the ones that have no signs I can't stand. Speed bumps occurred in my life today. One had signs, the others didn't. Kaitlyn, my 3 year old, woke up crying. Kaitlyn NEVER wakes up crying, but smiling and happy, so I knew something was wrong. In fact, she usually tip toes out her room and peeps around the corner grinning at me, so for her to have not even come out of her room, and she was crying... I knew something was wrong. When I went in her room, she was in the middle of her floor, crying. Every time she would stand up, take a step, she would fall. This is the fourth or fifth time something like this has happened in the last two years. She'll be going along just fine, then wham! Leg gives out and she hits the ground. I called the doctor's office, they wanted to see her. That was the speed bump with a sign; kind of a no brainer. What I didn't see coming was the doctor telling me that she didn't think it was her knee, but her hip, and that we needed to do x-rays and blood work. Blew me away. She ordered x-rays of both hips to have a comparison. She also ordered them of the knee and her tummy as she felt something that she wasn't sure about. I had been praying and called two friends and just asked them to be praying for Kaitlyn and the nurses. I didn't know what to pray because I didn't want to mess things up, so I prayed, "Lord, let the person you know will do the best with my baby be in there." He did just that. Ms. Kathy talked to Kaitlyn and did great with her and the x-rays; and the lab worker, after I suggested having another person because I wasn't going to be able to hold her down; went and got another lady who just took over. Now, I won't lie and tell you she didn't cry, man did she cry, in fact, at one point, she looked at me, with big red, crying eyes and screamed, "owie, owie, owie!" Oh while my heart was breaking, we all three had to chuckle.
Kaitlyn finished up with flying colors. The x-ray and lab reports will be ready on Monday or Tuesday. She's back to walking normal again.
After leaving home at 11:00 a.m., we finally got home at 5:00. Long day. Speed bumps....gotta love 'em.
Every where I have turned the last few days the word "triggers" are there. As a born again Christian who used to have an alcohol and drug problem, there were many "triggers" I had to deal with. For me, I can't listen to my beloved country music. In my first few months of struggling I would actually smell the smell of the booze and bars. It was a scary time for me. Triggers are everywhere.... stress triggers eating more food...yikes, what is triggering these headaches is what the doctor's are trying to find out...triggers, triggers, everywhere! You know what should be, triggers that send me to the Bible instead of the the fridge! I need to work on that one!
Oh it is so nice to be missed! Yesterday I fixed my Mammow's pork tenderloin, rice & gravy and steamed broccoli, served with rolls, salad and brownies for dessert. So many people commented on how they had missed me, one sweet lady came and hugged me and said her daughter was inhaling it. Oh was wonderful complements. All day long a song kept coming to my mind, "I'm back in the saddle again..." I have no idea why, but it was funny as I found myself blurting out on one occasion, "I'm back in the saddle again!" We all got a good laugh out of that one! Now, that's the Gene Autry version, here's the Aerosmith version. Whichever version you prefer, it was nice to, "be back in the saddle again!"
I woke up at 2 a.m. with Kaitlyn, and unfortunately with the onset of another migraine. Chris helped me get meds and ice right away, yet woke up with the pain worsening. Took more med's and with the help of my mother-in-law watching Kaitlyn, I was able to lay down for another hour and half, which helped tremendously. I told Chris at 2:00 this morning that I am really getting scared with these headaches. The pain starts in my neck most of the time; which it did early this morning. The pain also shoots from where I hit my head Christmas Eve, to my temples, to my eye sockets to the jaw on that same side. I would appreciate your prayers over this. I am being referred to a neurologist.
Well, it is time for lunch and time for Kayla to take her Spelling and Spanish Tests.
A friend of mine sent me this. I've read it before, but wanted to share....
Malachi 3:3 says:
"He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver."
This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.
One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver."
She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.
The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"
He smiled at her and answered,
"Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember: God has His eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.
I know I've had several posts today; but I have to share with you what my four year old son did today. I am just so proud of him; he touched and blessed my heart today in such a way, it is simply not describable. Our neighbors keeps her grandchildren daily. One of them is a two year old little boy named Romeo. Today, Romeo came over to play with Christopher in the front yard. Over half of our front yard is dirt, and my kids LOVE THE DIRT; anyway, Romeo and Christopher were playing and getting along so nicely. Christopher has a speech impairment. It is very, very difficult to understand him; but this didn't bother little Romeo at all; they just played and played. Before Romeo was to go home, I started picking up the toys. I picked up Christopher's tricycle he had gotten Christmas before last to put it away and Christopher came running to me screaming, "no mom, Radio (he can't say Romeo so it comes out Radio or Rodeo...it's really cute) is taking that home!" He then went on to tell me that he didn't need it because he had gotten a new bike for Christmas and that he wanted to give it to somebody who needs it. Can you believe it? A four year old...he gets it. Do you know what that has done to my heart? I hope and pray my son will always pass on what he has been so blessed with.
While typing this, I was reminded of a movie Kayla wants me to see called, "Pay It Forward," I think that's what it's called. I've never seen it or heard of it, but it goes along passing along things. I think we'll make it a family movie time this weekend.
Thank you Lord for letting me experience a glimpse of how you feel when we simply, pass it forward.
Hey, it's a beautiful day here in Pensacola...in the 70's, sunny and a light breeze! Oh it's gorgeous. Me and the kids have been outside some this afternoon; oh it's nice.
Kayla has been walking on her leg all day with no crutches, and no pain medicine! She has kept ice on it through out the day and tomorrow intensive therapy starts.
I am scheduled to get my two molars removed that I fractured when I hit my head Christmas Eve on Monday.
Man, I know this seems weird, but with all the road bumps, I'm alright. I don't know if you've ever experienced this or not, but it's like I'm in the middle of a cyclone, I can see the destruction, but it's being held at bay...do you know what I mean?
4:00 is quickly approaching and I have dinner to get started. I cook tomorrow at Pine Summit, which I am looking forward to getting back to. I love my Olive Baptist Church family, but if you are one that likes a smaller close knit church, Pine Summit Baptist is the place to go.
My sister's baby is due soon; please keep her in your prayers. She has to drive an hour to Lexington tomorrow for her doctor's appointment.
I was reading another blog http://petitelefant.blogspot.com/ I visit frequently. Yesterday's post was on making sure you are drinking enough water. I love water, unfortunately I like cokes more. Today, I begin working towards drinking less coke, and more water. I am having a tough time getting motivated to do what I know to do, so my hopes are by starting one thing, conquering it, then taking on the next thing. We'll see. I'm rebuking any coke headaches right now! I'm claiming victory right now too!
More later, dr appointments and errands fill the day.
Kayla got her stitches out today; no more crutches and rehab starts tomorrow. She is not a happy camper! She's barely been out of the recliner since we got home last Monday. Who does that doctor think he is...no crutches...?! AAAGGGHHHH.
Kayla just screamed, scared us half to death...the cat grabs hold of her leg to climb up her.... she has a paw mark engraved in her thigh. I'm sure glad he didn't grab hold of the stitches!
Kids are screaming and bed time is near. Both my younger kids have thoroughly enjoyed "From the pound to the Palace," written by Van Walton, of Proverbs 31 Ministries. What a great, simple way to share the gospel with kids.
That's the only part of the song I know....if you don't know those words then my title is worthless. My brain cells are so fried I can't even tell you who sings the song. Sorry. Maybe my husband who knows all kinds of stuff like that will know and post a comment?
I was reading today's devotional from Proverbs31 Ministry. Rachel's devotion was on wisdom and the usefulness of Proverbs. Hit home. I used to use Proverbs as a daily "get go" for my quiet time with the Lord. This morning, in reading her devotion, it urged me to take a look back. One thing I saw written throughout the pages of my Bible was my name scratched through in certain places. For example, in Proverbs 5 and verse 1. "My son, pay attention." I put, "Stacey, pay attention!" My Bible is personal. It is my personal guide, road map, compass. It is a tool given to me to teach me and point me in the right direction. So, why don't I use it like I used to? What has happened that I chose to take my own course? Is it arrogance, is it fear, laziness even...ouch. I would hate to admit any of the above, but what else is one to think? Not using my Bible as my daily road map to life is like not using a map in a town I know nothing about. It's crazy!
Last night, I laid in bed until well after midnight. The kids seemed to be restless and crying, Kayla was hurting...it was just a long night; but as I laid in bed I remembered a time that I prayed, "Lord, restore to me the joy of your salvation." When I prayed that I said I would never waiver again...but I did. Why? Does anyone else do this? I think it's in Roman's where Paul says, "I know what to do, but I don't do it..." It's like with my eating...last year I lost 36lbs. Last year, I also gained it all back. Insanity! My heart yearns for total surrender of eating out of stress, or hurt, or even boredom (is that a word?), but I can't seem to get the motivation and the will power to start all over again.
I don't know how to, well, I know what to do, but I don't know how to make my mind up to "just do it." I know that sounds crazy, I just can't. I don't know how to describe it. Anyway, I say all that and rambled on to say, I am picking up my road map, right now and reading the direction for my life for this very day. I am taking one day at a time, one circumstance at a time. While my heart wants this, and my head is boggled by the thoughts, I know my Jesus knows my heart and knows that I yearn to be healthy, physically, but most importantly, spiritually.
Sorry for rambling today, just a lot came to my mind as I started typing. I so want to get back to writing my book, so please pray for me about this. I know the Lord's timing is everything, and there are some things going on I can't share, but I need the fog in my brain to go...I need my clarity back.
Several, several months ago, I guess close to a year ago now, I asked for prayer for my friend Gail (http://treasuresfromlifesgarden.blogspot.com/2008/07/my-friend-gail.html). Gail is legally blind. She came to Pensacola long before I did not knowing anyone, taught herself the bus system, found grocery stores, place to live, you name it, she did it. Gail was and still is influential in my walk with the Lord. You can read more about it on the link above. Anyway, Gail is involved in the North American Mission Board. She went to the Cleveland, Ohio area to help Randy Chestnut in starting a new church (Church of the Hills http://www.discoverthehills.org/). She's been there for two winters. I would appreciate it if you would pray for Gail. She has learned the Chicago bus system, learned the grocery stores, and does well...especially considering she is legally blind. She has a few "procedures" coming up I'd appreciate your prayers for. Gail lives on disability and social security. She can teach us all a thing or two about walking by faith...and not by sight! If you are interested in dropping her an email to let her know you are praying for her, her email is: email@example.com.
In another post from months past, I mentioned how the Lord put it on my heart to take all the change from my washer and drier and send to Gail. I'd like to encourage you in that area today again. Maybe not for Gail, but pray and ask the Lord to give you a ministry to send your "lose change" to. I really adds up. I know the amount from us has been minimal, but the two times she's gotten a check or the lose change from us, it's paid for a load of laundry. Knowing I got to help in that little way, it's kind of cool.
I also posted a few months ago that my sister was pregnant. Her due date is fast approaching (February 5th). Michelle is in Kentucky with no family. Please be praying for her. My mom plans on going up after the baby is born. I would love to go up, but we simply can't afford it. Please be praying for her.
I am much better today, still dizzy and moving slow, but better. My husband has been the care taker of me, Kayla, and the younger two. He is in bed, sick right now. Pray for healing over him. He's been the one to get up with the kids at night, tend to Kayla and to me. He's worn out.
More later. Thanks for praying for my friend Gail. I do hope you will take the time to read a little about her.
I haven't been online in several days. I was scheduled for two teeth to be extracted on Thursday; that didn't even happen. I got up so sick on Wednesday, I literally could not get up. After hours of up-chucking and excruciating pain, my husband attempted to get me to the hospital, I was so weak, I couldn't do it, not to mention every time I moved my head in the least little bit, I got sick. My husband had to call for an ambulance and they had to help me to the stretcher, all along getting sick with the movement... they gave me an I.V.'s and before I got to the hospital the vomiting has subsided. I was given more nausea medicine and two different pain medications and was told it was a migraine. I've had migraines before, and this was unlike any migraine I have ever had in my life! By the time I got home, I was in extreme pain again and vomiting. I was scared. I've been up more today than yesterday. My pain in my head and neck is gone, still nausea and limited on what I can eat and have to move slowly and not turn my head fast or I get real dizzy again. I "fear" this has something to do with my head injury on Christmas Eve. I was assured it is not, but their lack of concern does not reassure me.
I've been reading and catching up on some posts from some the Proverb31 ladies. One of them wrote about having big dreams. I was reminded of a quote from D.L. Moody. D.L. Moody said, apparently on his death bed, "If God is your partner, have a big plan!" At one time, that quote was my signature on everything; seems I've forgotten it lately. So, I'm reminding myself, and everyone else that might need to be reminded, "IF God is YOUR partner, have a BIG plan!" You never know what He has in store for ya!
HIGH MAINTENANCE! OK, On a serious note, the patient is doing fine. She's getting pain medicine every four hours and keeping ice on her knee and elevated for the next 24 hours. She'll start therapy on Thursday.
We watched history today. Regardless of ones views on politics, religion, race...whatever....today, the first black person became The President of the United States. I did not vote for President Obama. Not because of the color of his skin, and not because I didn't like him. I think he is a "likable" kind of guy. I did not vote for him because I did not agree with his politics. Regardless, history was made today. Huge history. It's exciting to watch it unfold; strangely, I found myself smiling at bits of pieces throughout the day. Kayla and I watched the entire event....even now the parade is taking place. President Obama and his wife are walking the parade at this very moment. I am requiring Kayla to write a paper on it for school.
Kayla came through surgery fine. Her nurse only had to stick her the one time for her I.V. (huge answer to prayer.) Kayla has very tiny veins and usually has to get stuck many, many times. The surgeon removed cartilage that was damaged and hanging. Cleaned up the area. She starts rehab on Wednesday or Thursday, can start putting weight on her leg on Wednesday and should be fully recovered in six weeks. Thanks for the many, many prayers sent to heaven on her behalf.
Thursday I am having to have two teeth pulled; one of which I broke when I hit my head Christmas Eve.... I have two others we are watching that I loosened when I hit my head. As you can probably tell, Kayla gets her gracefulness from her mother:)
Chris was a trooper with the kids; Christopher was home today for MLK Day. My mom came over and helped with dinner, baths and bed time as Kayla and I didn't get home until after 7 p.m. (Thanks mom:) Every time my mom comes and helps out, I find myself more thankful for a God of restoration. My mom and I haven't always liked each other. Wow, we've come a long way. Makes me thankful for my mom.
The next few days will be filled with ice packs and pain medications. I'll be out of it Thursday, so will post when I can.
Prayer, the name of God, anything pertaining to religion was removed from any form of outside activity for Santa Rosa County Schools. Two "students" filed a law suit and won. "They have rights..." the ACLU says. I just want to know where the rights of Christians are? How is it we are a people that is supposed to be equal and just, but just because we claim "Jesus as Lord" we lose our rights?! What is happening to America?! The gays are angry that Rick Warren is opening the inauguration in prayer. Citizens are saying they are going to turn their backs. What?! What happened to the Freedom of Speech that has given the ACLU their rights? Do people not know the purpose of the "Separation from Church and State" was to prevent the state what ordering and controlling the churches?! I'm glad Jesus didn't turn his back on me. I just don't understand.
Today is Kayla's surgery. Her surgery is at 3:00. She hasn't been able to eat since midnight. We let her and a girlfriend go see a movie and pig out so she could eat until midnight. She comes home, nausea and scared; 45 minutes later she is vomiting. She's so nervous she has made herself sick. I've encouraged Joshua 1:9 to her all week, "Have I not commanded you, be strong and courageous for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." It doesn't seem to be working for her..... Kayla never wakes up hungry, she woke up starving this morning. Please pray for her. Pray for Dr. Roth, the surgeon, and the team of nurses and the Anesthesiologist.
While you're praying, pray for America. Pray for President-elect Obama, for his wife and children. Our country is indeed at war....one that is not seen in the flesh....BUT, I know who wins!
OK. Out of 400 people that showed up Saturday for the National Discovery Network, only 50 got asked to come back. Kayla was one of those 50. I left work early last night to go to the meeting. About 30 of those parents showed up. There are 32 cities involved in this current "search." All the individuals interested are invited to attend a four day, three night convention in Panama City, FL in April. Yes, there is a cost. Surprisingly, I believe we are supposed to walk through this venue for her. I'm so much at peace, I haven't even worried about the costs.... hello... now that's crazy!
This is a picture of Kayla with her younger brother taken over the summer....with her blond hair and tan. I'll find another more recent one later and post. This is one of her favorite pics with her and her brother.
I am meeting tonight to pay the $300 deposit (that is due by today) of the $495. We will have to pay the balance in 30 days plus $20 interest. We will also have to pay for lodging, food, and travel expenses. I'm wondering if we will actually drive back and forth since it's only an hour and a half drive... will have to look at cost for gas verses hotel lodging. She has to be there Thursday night for final registration, Friday for training, Saturday for the show, and Sunday to find out if she makes the final call back. If she makes the final call back, she could be signing on with marketers before we leave!
I am really excited for her. I would appreciate your prayers regarding this. When I meet with them tonight, I will be given information on how to get sponsors. There are three benefits of sponsors...one is that donations are tax deductible, two is your name will be mentioned as a sponsor while she is walking down the runway and three... something you will never gain from personally, is to know that you contributed to a young girls dream. I'll put out more information about that after the meeting tonight.
Will keep you posted...thanks for praying for Kayla...for all of us as we walk through these doors.
I don't know where traditions get started, nor why sometimes. I know some people have year verses and some have neat sayings...oh I wish I could come up with stuff like that; but that's just not my forte' I guess. For me, music speaks wonders to my heart, and when it seems I can't understand a word I am reading from scripture, the Lord always gives me a song to sing. Now, I did say sing, I did not say carry a tune. I love to sing, but frankly, I sound like a dead cow mooing.... never heard a dead cow mooing? You don't want to. Seriously, oh it is really bad. There was a time when I let it bother me of how horrible I sing, but not any more! I love my praise and worship time, just love it.
Several, several years ago, I found it necessary to go to counseling to help me deal with some issues of guilt and worthlessness..... I was blessed with a Godly(female) Christian Counselor (I say that because not all "Christian" counselors are Godly). One day, before the session ended, she told me the Lord had put it on her heart to play a song for me that particular day, and that I needed to get on my knees. I really wasn't up to surrendering certain parts of my past, and I guess this is what the Lord used to begin the surrendering process...if that makes since. Anyway...the song was "Breathe" by some artist, couldn't tell you who..... After that session, I really honestly never heard that song again, until recently. The Lord has been telling me for several weeks to be desperate for Him. I thought I was losing my mind, really, I thought with my medications being changed, and pain medications for my head injury and breaking my tooth and my thyroid being so out of wack...that my next stop was going to be the looney bin! But, through it all, over and over those words, "I'm desperate for you...." kept coming to my mind. Now, I haven't been in church in weeks and weeks due to our "mold" experience and camping out, sick kids and me not well.... but for some reason, Sunday night I had an overwhelming since I needed to be in church. Got the kids ready and went. I couldn't figure it out....it was the yearly thing on Deacon's/Servants.... so why did I need to be there. Then it hit me.... while the pianist was playing while the Deacon's were praying over the new ones coming in... the pianist was playing.... "I'm desperate for you...." This morning, I get in the van to go to work, the song is playing on the radio. I get in the car, the next song to come on the radio after the one that was playing when we got in, "I'm desperate for you...."
I think He's trying to tell me something! You think?!
A few days ago I wrote something to the fact about not wanting my first thoughts of escape to be for me to get a drink when I am overwhelmed.... today the Lord reminded me to be desperate for Him and He will be my escape.... something I've known for over ten years... but I've seemed to forgetten along the way.
Sooooo...... My "song of the year" is "Breathe." I know there is a way for me to have a song playing while my blog is open, and my husband is looking into it, so until then....enjoy the song from youtube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oad8ov10AjY.
This is my prayer...my daily prayer...my moment by moment prayer.
I don't know why I expect so little of Him? Or why I get surprised when He does something like... say provide. After all, He provided above and beyond for Christmas.... so why can't I trust Him to provide in a necessity? I normally shop for cooking at Pine Summit on Wednesday's, however; tomorrow I have to get to the church earlier than usual as I have to leave by 4:00 in order to get to the modeling appointment for Kayla (we'll find out how much it costs); anyway, when I was dropping off the food at the church, one of the ladies in the food closet, out of the clear blue asked...."Do you need any shampoo? Does it matter what kind?" My response was, "I buy what is cheaper on sale and as a matter of fact, I have been out ..." I turned around to pick up the bottle of shampoo.... wouldn't you know it, it's VO5. The same brand I usually buy unless I have a coupon for something cheaper! I couldn't believe it. So why am I so surprised? I know if it's important to me, then it's important to Him. I never even thought to stop and pray and ask Him to provide, He just did it, on His own, to show me He was there, and that He cares. Kind of made/makes me feel good. He kept giving me one of my favorite scriptures today, "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided....." I guess that includes shampoo! :)
I, along with all the other parents, as I mentioned earlier, will be at the Civic Center tomorrow night to find out how much this modeling thing will cost. Kayla will still have more steps to go through....or hoops to jump through.... but we'll see what happens tomorrow.
Kayla, also has surgery on Monday on her knee. I've started this year off to a great start (ha-ha) by missing every Wednesday night dinner of the new year. I know we cannot afford for me to not work; but I have to say, I find myself wondering if the Lord is trying to tell me something. When I was hired, I told them my family is my first ministry. My first ministry has been under attack lately, so I'm just wondering what the Lord is up to.
It's nearly 5:00 and time to get my husband home. Will write more later or tomorrow after the modeling thing.....
In the early part of last year, the Lord put it on my heart to read Habakkuk. I do not have a lot of knowledge regarding the Old Testament, so try learning what I can. Most of what I have learned from the Bible is what has been taught to me under pastor's and discipleship classes; however, the Lord also has blessed me with the desire to open His Word, to study it and to write devotionals from His word, that apply to every day life. For some, every day life involves drugs and alcohol, for some it involves abusive husbands, for some that involves disable children, for some that involves wayward children....just every day life for different folks. Hence, came the beginning of my devotional book.
In April of 2008 while attending the EWomen's Conference in Pensacola, Florida, Thelma Wells quoted a scripture that jumped right off the pages of my Bible. It was found in Habakkuk. That's right, the very book of the Bible the Lord has taken me to just weeks earlier. The verse was Chapter 2, verses 2 & 3. "Write down this vision; clearly inscribe it on tablets so one may easily read it. For the vision is yet for the appointment; it testifies about the end and will not lie. Though it delays, WAIT FOR IT, since it will certainly come and not be late." For me, I walked away from the conference knowing two things, one is that I would continue to feed people and that I would one day feed the hungry. The second thing I walked away with was confirmation that I would one day be serving in Women's Ministry. Now, I didn't know what that meant, whether behind the scenes, whether publicly speaking, or even if that meant in a different area of The Most Excellent Way....I wasn't sure, all I knew is that I had been called. I made that public to my Pastor, I made that public to a very close knit community. Within in a matter of weeks I was asked to share my testimony on a Sunday evening at Pine Summit Baptist Church about my life as an alcoholic and what The Most Excellent Way had done for me. Pine Summit had just kicked off their new meetings and was trying to make people more aware of this ministry. A few weeks after that I was asked to speak at a Women's Conference that was going to be held at Pine Summit. That being their first conference, and many chiefs, that unfortunately fell through. Though I know that no good good thing will be withheld from me, it just wasn't the Lord's timing. I have often questioned if I heard from the Lord correctly that day, as turmoil has plagued my family, we have been hit from every angle there is. It has been an exhausting nine months. I would appreciate it, if you would please pray for me. Pray for my family. I believe the Lord has given me a great story of hope to share with the hurting, and the hungry. One day, I will be able to feed the hungry and homeless, and will be able to reach and help the hurting women of alcohol and drug abuse. I don't know His timing, and I still have oh so much to learn. Again, I would just treasure your prayers.
Well, I sure blew it tonight. I remembered why Chris and I never go out; we come home and it is literally a nightmare. Every time. It had been over a year since our last "date." It will probably be longer than that next time. We came home to pencil markings on my only lower cabinet there is in the kitchen and the entire back hallway covered in pencil markings. Christopher and Kaitlyn both screaming for mine and Chris' attention, crying over how they were wronged by their older sister (who wasn't home much longer before we were so what could she had done?!).....
In our attempts to get the kids their dinner and bath's (we had an early movie and an early dinner), heck I don't know what happened...Kaitlyn had pooped in her pull up and just pulled off her pull up like it was no big deal; Christopher was screaming because he had gotten in the tub and I made him get out because we try not to give them bath's together....he's screaming, she's screaming, I'm screaming....gee, where is self control in this household? Where is the Holy Spirit in this mom's life? Sure isn't being demonstrated here. Christopher has recently (about six months ago) been diagnosed with ADHD. He also has many OCD symptoms, but not enough to be "diagnosed" and treated for it. He is currently on medications that seem to be doing great; however, Christopher has a horrible speech problem due to bad ear infections for the first two years of his life. The tubes helped, but he is over 18 months behind in his language and speaking skills. In other words, his 3 year old sister speaks clearer and is understood better than he is. Nine times out of ten I have to referee and be the buffer for everything regarding Christopher...translating what he is trying to say, I try to set the tone for the house when he is upset or something is wrong and he is trying to tell us. I try to be the patient one with Christopher and get others in the house to step back and evaluate.... now, I don't always do a good job at that, but that is the role that I have and I really, really pray a lot and ask the Lord to help me in this area with ever situation that occurs. Well, I didn't do that tonight. Tonight, in the midst of my four year old son screaming bloody murder for no reason at all, (in his mind I am sure he had a good reason and yes, he was very upset about something....)at least no reason we could find, I took the shower head I was using to shower Kaitlyn off with and shot it in his direction. All I was trying to do was get his attention. I only made things worse. Oh my gosh, much worse. I don't understand what happened. I took all the frustration out on him that I was feeling. Me, the adult, to a four year old child. You know, it's real easy to get arrogant and prideful and boast on certain things the Lord does in ones life. I've openly shared and exalted the Lord's name many times when it comes to my sobriety. Tonight, the Lord showed me just how much I do need Him. How little I can do on my own and in the flesh and just how easy it is to screw up. Without Him, I'm the same sorry mother I was to my Kayla. I don't want my kids to remember their mom as a mom that yelled and screamed. I have cried my eyes out tonight. I asked my little Christopher to forgive me for screaming at him. He asked me why I squirted him with the water and I told him, "I was trying to get your attention so you'd stop screaming." He looked at me with the most beautiful blue eyes and said, "Can you do it a different way next time?" I chuckled and assured him I would. After I finished sobbing by his bed, he asked me to do prayer with him and sing "Doodle." (A night time song my mom taught me.) In my efforts to sing I started crying again. He held my hand. I told him it was the best I could do tonight, that I just couldn't finish. He told me that was OK. That I could just do it in my heart. My son is wise beyond his years.
I don't want to yell anymore. I don't want to be the same mom I used to be. I want my life, my kid's life, to be better that that. I don't want to think of a drink when I am faced with nights like this. I want my time of escape to be to run to the Lord. Tonight, I actually entertained the thought of leaving and going for a drink to "calm the nerves." Crazy. Absolutely crazy. I'm rebuking it in the name of Jesus and claiming victory over my life and my kids life...our family. No more chaos. Satan does not and will not have a foothold in this family now or ever! Christ is the head of our home. Period the end.
I can hear a song in my head; no, in my heart..."I need Thee, oh I need Thee, every hour I need Thee....."
Today, in Pensacola, at the Pensacola Civic Center, people of all ages are being screened (from 6 months to 17) for modeling and acting through two very well know organizations. Kayla, my oldest, heard about these auditions (if that's what they are called) from listening to WABB 97.5. Now, I must say, I do not like this station and I do not like the songs or the way they talk on this station. I pray her ears will not be tarnished and that she will always be sensitive in what she takes in. Nonetheless, Kayla and her friend Deserae went down for these auditions. They were numbers 51 and 52. They made the first cut! There is a parents meeting next week. Gee...I hope it's not the same day as her surgery for her knee! Ha-ha! Will keep you posted. Kayla has always wanted to model. In my younger, more flattering years, that was my desire as well. In fact, when Dillard's was Dillard's, before buying out Gayfer's, I too, believe it or not, modeled for them as a full figured, plus size model. If I'm not mistaken, my Granny or Aunt Char used to do that as well. As much as Kayla loves fashion and design, hair and make-up, I know she would do great at it. She is indeed a beautiful young lady, on the inside, and the out!
Chris and I are going on a date today. I need it, he needs it, and we are going. I want to see that new Clint Eastwood movie that is coming out today.... Gran Torino. We will then grab dinner.
I am finally starting to feel much better. I am still getting some headaches and blurred vision on occasion, but doing well. I am also adjusting to my med changes....being on two different antidepressants at one time will knock you for a loo-loo! Man. I'm waiting on a few things to fall in place before getting my root canal and crown done. I can't put the root canal on that molar off too long because the tooth is capable of splitting...that would not be a good thing.
Kayla had her orthopedic appointment this morning. They are going to have to do a "scope" procedure. They've given us a few things they are looking for...a torn meniscus, or a fatty deposit that is getting pinched between the joints, or a couple of other things. The thoughts are it will be able to get fixed through the scope. If it requires a more invasive (I think that's the right word....) procedure, then that will be rescheduled later and not repaired then.
Well, we've started the year off with a bang! We will continue to take one step at a time, one moment at a time.
I mentioned a few posts ago that I hit my noggin' pretty hard; found out it resulted in another fractured tooth. What a way to start 2009:)
Chris and I, and Kayla, have started having a nightly "share" time about what we are reading in the Bible each day. This is a first for us. There are some nightly exceptions for our meeting time, but it has helped hold me more accountable to my reading. Last year I sensed the Lord prodding me to understand and learn the Old Testament. Each time I tried, my pea brain of a brain was boggled with confusion of dates and time lines and who married who, so I asked for a Chronological Study Bible for Christmas; and I got it! There is so much to learn, that I am only on Chapter 2 of Genesis; however, learning the history alone is overwhelming. I'm sure I won't get it on the first go around, and while I would love to say, "This year I'm going to read the Bible through..." I am saying I am going to read the Bible through, and let it take as long as it takes in order for me to understand as much as I can understand. Some things just aren't meant to be understood; for example, why one (God) would send His son (Jesus) to be born, in order to die and be raised again just for me...? Wow. Who can comprehend that one?!
Kayla sees the orthopedic surgeon on Thursday about her knee. While it is better, she is still in a lot of pain. We'll see what Thursday holds.
I am feeling better today. I have probably slept 18 - 20 hours every day since Christmas Eve. I'm not sure if that's because of the bump on my noggin or because of the changes in my medications, all I know is that I want to feel better and am ready to get out of this slump...while my mind believes it, making my body follow suite is another thing. This too shall pass though.
We still have a ton of pictures to post and I will get to them in the days to come. My arms are already aching over just typing these few words.