I Just LOVE The Word, "But!"

I entered a writing contest recently.  My hopes were high as the winner would receive a complete book publishing offer and I so want my book published.

To make a long, story short, I didn't win.  In fact, I didn't even place.  I know, so discouraging.

One thing is for sure, the story I submitted was 'my story.'  The one the Lord gave me.  IF He wants my book published, it will happen in His timing, and not mine, and I am definitely OK with that! 

I'm thankful for the days I spent reflecting and remembering what the Lord first did for me some thirteen years ago.

Most of you know where I come from.  My hope is that maybe someone will read it that doesn't know Jesus as Lord, and maybe, just maybe, the words I wrote will be used to plant a seed; a seed that will grow and grow and take root into the powerful name of King Jesus.

This, is my story . . . . . . .

For 28 years I was foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. I lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another.  BUT, when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved me, not because of any righteous things I had done, but because of his mercy. He saved me through the washing of rebirth and the renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on me generously through Jesus Christ my Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, I might become heir having the hope of eternal life (Titus 3:3-7).

I was a drunk, an adulterer, a manipulator, a thief, a liar, and a mother of a 4 year old child.  I lost everything and had nowhere to go.

At the age of 28, On July 7th, 1998, after a series of events that brought me to desperation, I quit drinking, smoking and doing drugs.

I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I had made a mess of my life.  I was tired of living a life of lies.  I was ready for a change.

I ended up at a place called Olive Baptist, on the corner of “Hurt and Hope.”  It was then I was introduced to The Most Excellent Way Ministry (a Christ-centered Drug and Alcohol Support Group).

During these meetings I began realizing the need for Jesus in my heart.  For months, I kept trying to “fix” myself.  I kept telling God, “Let ME ‘fix’ this and then I will come to you.”

On October 19th, 1998, in my 1970’s gold chair, in my 640 square foot apartment, I read a piece of paper my friend had given me with the plan of salvation on it. 

It read:

Romans 3:23, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

Romans 10:9&10;, “that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.”

Lord I am a sinner.  I believe you sent Jesus to die on the cross for my sins.  I believe in His death and His resurrection.  I believe that through Him I may have eternal life.  I ask you to forgive me of my sins and come into my heart.   Amen.

When I first read through the scriptures and prayer, I read for understanding to see what this really meant, what was REALLY going to be required of me.

I remember thinking, “reading this does not ‘save’ me.”

I re-read Romans 10:9&10;, “that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.”

I said to God, “I can’t do this on my own.  I don’t want to be one of those people that live one way during the week and be somebody else at church.  I want to be real.  My family is going to think I have gone off the deep end, Lord.  I can’t do it without you.  It’s all or nothing.”

It was then, the third time I read the scriptures and the prayer, that I believed in my heart that Jesus was Lord.  What was required of me, nothing but believing.  Jesus had already made the sacrifice.

My life has never been the same.  Perfect, oh gracious no; without trials and hardships, no way. But with Him and through Him, He has given me victory and taught me lessons through each one.

In addition to the restoration of my family in the last thirteen years, I’ve witnessed rededication to the Lord by my mom and aunt.  My daughter and brother have also come to know the Lord as their Savior.  I have also been given a husband and two additional children.

My hope and prayer this day, this very moment, is that if you do not know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, that you will know Him today.

He will change your life forever.

Continuing, To Walk In Victory,

Stacey

In case you didn't get the reason for the title of this post, it is because of the word, 'but' in Titus 3: 3-7.   "I once as foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. I lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. BUT  . . . . God. 

Wow.  Pretty cool, hugh!  Guess what!  HE can do the same for you!  

Withdrawals

Well it has been three weeks today since my surgery. 

During these three weeks I have eaten and craved and given in to those cravings.  I have stayed tired and literally forced myself to get out of bed each day; doing only the bare minimum.  I am thankful for my husband.  I haven't had to do one load of laundry, prepare a single meal or wash a single dish since my surgery.  Even now he is folding laundry and piddling in the kitchen.

One thing I learned through The Most Excellent Way Ministry is when one relapses, getting clean that second or third or fourth time is harder than the first time. 

While I was fortunate to never have to deal with relapse with the drugs and alcohol, food has definitely taken its toll.

For days I have been trying to "get back on track" and for days I have failed.  I have had cravings I can't explain . . . Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, Sweet Tea, Fried Chicken, Goldfish (I hate goldfish!),  chocolate cake, Popeye's Spicy Chicken . . . . need I go on?  It has been crazy. 

In my prayer journal, yesterday, I wrote, " . . . . . . Lord, Give me the desire and will power back; give me the desire to be well and healthy."

As if He was right there with me, He said, "Stacey, obedience is doing when you don't have the desire."

So today, even though my heart just isn't in it, I choose obedience.

My cravings are high and my head is killing me.  I am sure I am having withdrawals from sugar.

Thanks for all the prayers from surgery.  Been recuperating just fine. Stitches are out and I am not using the sling anymore.  Still having pain, but doc says it should go away in about three more weeks.

My husband and I have some tough choices to make regarding our home.  In my recent prayer journaling, I wrote:

". . . . . . Thank you for meeting the needs we have.  Continue to show yourself I pray.  Show us what to do with the house.  The worry is exhausting; not having a plan leaves a knot in my throat.  I don't want to NOT be proactive with a plan, but I don't want my planning to step in the way of your plan.  Does that even make sense, Lord?  I will do whatever it is you want, I just need to hear from you.  I love you; I trust you.  Amen.

This is the feather the Lord gave me, just yesterday while at the beach.  It came in a form I would have never even thought of.

Imagine the thousands of people that have walked the boardwalk in the last three days and the Lord brought this man there the exact time I was there to give me this :)  Pretty cool if you ask me.

Please do continue to pray for us.  The Lord has been faithful in providing, we just need clarity.

Continuing to Walk in Victory,

Stacey

Gleaning

As I type these words words, my heart is overwhelmed in the aweness of my God. 

A few weeks back I posted about Shouting Out, Bearing Witness and Testifying on the Lord's provisions.  Well, He is still at it ya'll and I just have to share a couple of wow moments with you.

We haven't had a regular income since August 24th of 2011.  BUT, we have never gone without.  Not only have needs been met, but wants.  What the Lord has continued to show me of years of mountains and valley's is that the Lord provides in various ways.

Some of the ways he has blessed and provided for us are:

1~ as gifts.  There have been times when the Lord has blessed us in means of monetary gifts.  The most recent was that stinkin' ticket!  The Lord provided for not only the ticket but also a little extra which has helped with school supplies and a few extra needs.

2~ Sales & Coupons!  I try clipping coupons; I do look for savings; but I am not faithful at it.  BUT when I do, my prayer while I am clipping and making my lists is that the Lord would give me wisdom to shop and to buy what we need.  He honors that prayer and meets needs in that area as well.

3~ Hand-Me-Downs!  God Bless 'em!  My youngest daughter is clothed by nothing but hand-me-downs and she loves them! 

4~ My favorite one, "Gleaning."  I first learned about the word gleaning when I did a Bible Study on the lineage of Christ for a local Most Excellent Way meeting.  I particularly focused on the Book of Ruth.  I have loved the word ever since. Just the word alone makes me smile. There is nothing more rewarding than providing for yourself or your family.  JUST LAST NIGHT; the Lord allowed me to be of service and bless someone, while meeting a need of our family (now, I thought it was to go towards a bill, but the Lord had another plan . . I'll explain more in a minute).  My phone rang at 8:45 last night from an AVON customer and a "pie customer."  (No, I am not selling pies again, but I do sell the individual ones to this most precious elderly couple because God told me to do so.  I can't argue with that one!)  Her 95 year old neighbor had passed away she explained, and wanted to know if I had any of my large Chicken Pot Pies in the freezer.  I checked.  I had one, she needed two.  (What's REALLY cool is we had been out of chicken for a couple of days.  It's a staple in our household but have been trying to watch our spending; BUT . . . for some ODD reason sensed the Lord urging for me to buy some.  So I did.)  I told her I would take care of it.   I knew there was not a coincidence in me buying chickens and her needing that second pie.  I delivered the pies this morning and received my $30.

When I got home, I checked in on my cat that was acting strange and limping this morning.  He was growling and could not walk at all, panting heavy too.  He also had some mucus bloody drainage coming out of one of his eyes.  I called our vet explained his symptoms, and then had to ask the hardest question, "Could I clean cages, pull weeds, clean toilets, anything to pay for a vet bill."  She spoke to her husband.  They said for insurance reasons they really couldn't do that, but that they always are willing to work with their clients, to bring him in immediately.  With my pride in my drawers, and a lump of fear of what the bill would be, I drove myself; my growling angry, clawing, biting cat; my two children and Nicholas (he's my 4th child on Tuesday's and Thursday's that I watch while his mom is in dialysis.) to the vet.  Anybody wanna guess what the bill total was?  Go ahead.  Take a guess.  Ya'll, IT WAS $32.75!!!!  I pulled out my $30 from the pies and $2.75 from my change purse for my AVON and was able to pay the bill!  Now, I don't know if an office visit is usually that cheap (that included antibiotics also), but my soul was a shoutin'!

What I do know is that my Lord loves me enough to show me His hand in my life over and over again.  He is faithful to answer my daily prayer, "Lord, show me what to do to provide and I will do it."  What He has also shown me over and over since that Bible Study in Ruth is the Lord's providing doesn't mean a hand out.  It means getting off your carcass and doing what you have been called to do.  Whether it is making pies, or cleaning houses on Friday's (Chris is home on Friday's which allows me to clean) . . . doing it unto the Lord, blesses the person that is receiving the service, and provides for the needs of my home.  Life just does not get any better than that!

Continuing to Walk (and SHOUT!) in Victory!

Stacey

Independence ='s God-Dependence

I love celebrating the 4th of July.  For me, though, it is more than the celebration of our Nation's Birthday, it's also a celebration from the release from the bondange I lived in for many years involving drugs and alcohol and other self destructive behavoirs.


July 7th I will celebrate 13 years of sobriety.  The first 90 days were horrible as I tried to do it on my own.  I kept trying to "fix" myself and regularly kept telling the Lord (which I knew he was wooing me), "just let me get this 'fixed' and I'll surrender Lord."  Over and over I continued on an upward battle going nowhere. 

I found myself in a place of desperation one day and ended up at "A Place Called Olive."    It was there I met a young lady named Paige who introduced me the Most Excellent Way Meeting.  It was then I had the privlege of meeting Eddie Echarri.  

After realizing I couldn't do this thing called life on my own, in a gold 1970's chair I had in my one bedroom apartment, on October 19, 1998, I surrendered my will and my life to Jesus Christ.

When I look at the last 13 years and the people the Lord has brought into my life I stand amazed at how He orchestrated it all.  Then I look at my own life and the many events He has brought me through in those 13 years. 

In recent months specifically, He has continued to bring Isaiah 43:18 & 19 to the forefront of my Bible Studies.  It reads, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."  What promise for a future of provions, prosperity and nurishment!  He has used that scripture to show me He is taking me on a new journey; that as I am growing in my walk with the Lord, so is the testimony He is giving me.  How cool is that!

Then, more recently on June 22, the Lord used a friend to share with me  Joshua 3:3-5.  "3~When you see the ark of the covenant of the Lord your God and the priests, who are Levites, carrying it, you are to move from your positions and follow it.  4~Then you will know which way to go, since you have never been this way before.  . . . . . "  5~Joshua told the people, "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you."  This scripture has confirmed, once again, in my personal walk that new journey's are coming my way, I will have a choice, follow in obedience and know He is guiding me, or walk in disobedience and walk in the consequences.  (I'm not saying He won't be with me should I choose the latter, I'm simply stating there is a choice and both have consequences.)

I stand amazed as He has taken a heart that has been cold and hardened for the last two years and has begun to soften it and woo it all over again.  Over the last few months of rereading journal entries, seeing how my prayers were, "change/fix it" and now resonate, "Oh God, forgive me and change me, teach me and show me, help me God."  I see now more than ever the spiritual warfare that exists, especially in my own home, and see the importance of reading scripture, memorizing it, claiming it and walking in that victory. 

Wow!  Now that makes me smile!

Father I thank you and praise you for newness of life.  I thank you for bringing me through the valley's and thank you for  mountaintop experiences that bring hope and encouragement.  I pray for those struggling with addictions right now; for the parents, or children or spouses having to live through it.  Bring them to know you, and Lord if they know you, I pray you reveal yourself to them in such a way they experience victory over bondage!  I bring my family to you today, heal us all.  Diminish my pride I pray.  Thank your for 13 years of sobriety and for giving me the strength to make it this far.  Thank you for the new journey's that are yet to come.  Thank you for pulling me out of the pit of filth.  Thank you for friends that have become family and love and encourage.  Use me this day I pray and believe.  So be it, Amen.

Psalm 91:4

 

Celebrate

As I write the title of this blog, two songs came to my mind, "Celebrate, Jesus, Celebrate," and "Celebration" from Kool and the Gang!


Today, Tuesday, July 7th, marks a huge day for me. Today, I celebrate 11 years of sobriety. Eleven years of no drinking, no smoking (of cigarettes or pot...is that even what it's still called?); nothing. This time last week, I did not think I was going to make it to 11 years. I had to confess to my husband, my peers, my support group that I was struggling. That was tough, yet comforting, as I know many, many prayers were sent to heaven on my behalf last week. I can honestly say I have no idea how I got through. I went to bed with cravings of a glass of wine, I woke up in the middle of the night with those same cravings. My husband took the van, keys and money to work with him one day as he knew how horribly I was struggling. All I wanted was to be able to relax and have some peace. I actually wanted to die. No, I didn't want to kill myself, but I just wanted to die. I wasn't getting peace in any direction I was turning. Satan was working over time, and my fleshy self played right into it. I was to the point in believing that the only thing that would give me that "peace" was having that glass of wine I so, so wanted... was salivating over. Whew, just typing this makes me not only cringe from the closeness of it, but also still yearn for it. I haven't experienced this in 11 years of sobriety. I'm not saying I haven't had "tough times" in regards to dealing with it, but it never got to this point of desperation. I am having to make a choice, every day, some times moment by moment in my days, to not drink. I haven't had to do that since day one of sobriety when I chose to quit.


So, why now? Good question. One thing keeps coming to my mind. When I first quit drinking, then eventually gave my heart and soul over to the Lord, and began serving in The Most Excellent Way, Eddie Echarri told me something, that for some reason I had forgotten, until recently. Eddie told me, "Stacey, things are goin' good for choo (that's 'you' for anybody that didn't know Eddie Echarri) right now, get your gate up." I didn't know what he meant, so he elaborated. "When you start doing good, and you start giving Jesus glory, Satan gets mad. Be on guard, and be ready, 'cause he is gonna come at choo."


It's amazing how the Lord can use certain things to "trigger" memories. I was driving down Davis Hwy just the other day. Several years ago, across from West Florida Hospital, they put up an iron fence to mark off parking for its employees. Ya'll, I've literally driven past that fence hundreds and thousands of times since it was put up; yet there is was. A vision (I'm a visual learner, the Lord knows this as He made me this way, so He gives me visuals to learn.) of what Eddie Echarri had been telling me all those years ago. When Satan sees me doing what is right, pursuing His (Jesus Christ) excellence, putting away former things, it chaps Satan's back side, and he's gonna come at me and my family with both barrels loaded. Ya'll, if you have read my blog for any length of time, you know that Satan has been on us hard. We have had one obstacle thrown at us after another. I can't imagine what He has in store for us..... I cannot imagine how we would have survived without Christ.....I just can't imagine. I got kind of goose bumpy .... the song "I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me just came to mind..... whew.


So, today, to celebrate 11 years of sobriety, in honor and memory of my precious friend, Eddie Echarri, whom I miss more and more every day, I'm gettin' my gate ready; I'm girding my myself with the "Armor of God" and am preparing for battle, now more than ever.


God Bless, and have a fabulous day!