Withdrawals

Well it has been three weeks today since my surgery. 

During these three weeks I have eaten and craved and given in to those cravings.  I have stayed tired and literally forced myself to get out of bed each day; doing only the bare minimum.  I am thankful for my husband.  I haven't had to do one load of laundry, prepare a single meal or wash a single dish since my surgery.  Even now he is folding laundry and piddling in the kitchen.

One thing I learned through The Most Excellent Way Ministry is when one relapses, getting clean that second or third or fourth time is harder than the first time. 

While I was fortunate to never have to deal with relapse with the drugs and alcohol, food has definitely taken its toll.

For days I have been trying to "get back on track" and for days I have failed.  I have had cravings I can't explain . . . Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, Sweet Tea, Fried Chicken, Goldfish (I hate goldfish!),  chocolate cake, Popeye's Spicy Chicken . . . . need I go on?  It has been crazy. 

In my prayer journal, yesterday, I wrote, " . . . . . . Lord, Give me the desire and will power back; give me the desire to be well and healthy."

As if He was right there with me, He said, "Stacey, obedience is doing when you don't have the desire."

So today, even though my heart just isn't in it, I choose obedience.

My cravings are high and my head is killing me.  I am sure I am having withdrawals from sugar.

Thanks for all the prayers from surgery.  Been recuperating just fine. Stitches are out and I am not using the sling anymore.  Still having pain, but doc says it should go away in about three more weeks.

My husband and I have some tough choices to make regarding our home.  In my recent prayer journaling, I wrote:

". . . . . . Thank you for meeting the needs we have.  Continue to show yourself I pray.  Show us what to do with the house.  The worry is exhausting; not having a plan leaves a knot in my throat.  I don't want to NOT be proactive with a plan, but I don't want my planning to step in the way of your plan.  Does that even make sense, Lord?  I will do whatever it is you want, I just need to hear from you.  I love you; I trust you.  Amen.

This is the feather the Lord gave me, just yesterday while at the beach.  It came in a form I would have never even thought of.

Imagine the thousands of people that have walked the boardwalk in the last three days and the Lord brought this man there the exact time I was there to give me this :)  Pretty cool if you ask me.

Please do continue to pray for us.  The Lord has been faithful in providing, we just need clarity.

Continuing to Walk in Victory,

Stacey

Independence ='s God-Dependence

I love celebrating the 4th of July.  For me, though, it is more than the celebration of our Nation's Birthday, it's also a celebration from the release from the bondange I lived in for many years involving drugs and alcohol and other self destructive behavoirs.


July 7th I will celebrate 13 years of sobriety.  The first 90 days were horrible as I tried to do it on my own.  I kept trying to "fix" myself and regularly kept telling the Lord (which I knew he was wooing me), "just let me get this 'fixed' and I'll surrender Lord."  Over and over I continued on an upward battle going nowhere. 

I found myself in a place of desperation one day and ended up at "A Place Called Olive."    It was there I met a young lady named Paige who introduced me the Most Excellent Way Meeting.  It was then I had the privlege of meeting Eddie Echarri.  

After realizing I couldn't do this thing called life on my own, in a gold 1970's chair I had in my one bedroom apartment, on October 19, 1998, I surrendered my will and my life to Jesus Christ.

When I look at the last 13 years and the people the Lord has brought into my life I stand amazed at how He orchestrated it all.  Then I look at my own life and the many events He has brought me through in those 13 years. 

In recent months specifically, He has continued to bring Isaiah 43:18 & 19 to the forefront of my Bible Studies.  It reads, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."  What promise for a future of provions, prosperity and nurishment!  He has used that scripture to show me He is taking me on a new journey; that as I am growing in my walk with the Lord, so is the testimony He is giving me.  How cool is that!

Then, more recently on June 22, the Lord used a friend to share with me  Joshua 3:3-5.  "3~When you see the ark of the covenant of the Lord your God and the priests, who are Levites, carrying it, you are to move from your positions and follow it.  4~Then you will know which way to go, since you have never been this way before.  . . . . . "  5~Joshua told the people, "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you."  This scripture has confirmed, once again, in my personal walk that new journey's are coming my way, I will have a choice, follow in obedience and know He is guiding me, or walk in disobedience and walk in the consequences.  (I'm not saying He won't be with me should I choose the latter, I'm simply stating there is a choice and both have consequences.)

I stand amazed as He has taken a heart that has been cold and hardened for the last two years and has begun to soften it and woo it all over again.  Over the last few months of rereading journal entries, seeing how my prayers were, "change/fix it" and now resonate, "Oh God, forgive me and change me, teach me and show me, help me God."  I see now more than ever the spiritual warfare that exists, especially in my own home, and see the importance of reading scripture, memorizing it, claiming it and walking in that victory. 

Wow!  Now that makes me smile!

Father I thank you and praise you for newness of life.  I thank you for bringing me through the valley's and thank you for  mountaintop experiences that bring hope and encouragement.  I pray for those struggling with addictions right now; for the parents, or children or spouses having to live through it.  Bring them to know you, and Lord if they know you, I pray you reveal yourself to them in such a way they experience victory over bondage!  I bring my family to you today, heal us all.  Diminish my pride I pray.  Thank your for 13 years of sobriety and for giving me the strength to make it this far.  Thank you for the new journey's that are yet to come.  Thank you for pulling me out of the pit of filth.  Thank you for friends that have become family and love and encourage.  Use me this day I pray and believe.  So be it, Amen.

Psalm 91:4