Withdrawals

Well it has been three weeks today since my surgery. 

During these three weeks I have eaten and craved and given in to those cravings.  I have stayed tired and literally forced myself to get out of bed each day; doing only the bare minimum.  I am thankful for my husband.  I haven't had to do one load of laundry, prepare a single meal or wash a single dish since my surgery.  Even now he is folding laundry and piddling in the kitchen.

One thing I learned through The Most Excellent Way Ministry is when one relapses, getting clean that second or third or fourth time is harder than the first time. 

While I was fortunate to never have to deal with relapse with the drugs and alcohol, food has definitely taken its toll.

For days I have been trying to "get back on track" and for days I have failed.  I have had cravings I can't explain . . . Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, Sweet Tea, Fried Chicken, Goldfish (I hate goldfish!),  chocolate cake, Popeye's Spicy Chicken . . . . need I go on?  It has been crazy. 

In my prayer journal, yesterday, I wrote, " . . . . . . Lord, Give me the desire and will power back; give me the desire to be well and healthy."

As if He was right there with me, He said, "Stacey, obedience is doing when you don't have the desire."

So today, even though my heart just isn't in it, I choose obedience.

My cravings are high and my head is killing me.  I am sure I am having withdrawals from sugar.

Thanks for all the prayers from surgery.  Been recuperating just fine. Stitches are out and I am not using the sling anymore.  Still having pain, but doc says it should go away in about three more weeks.

My husband and I have some tough choices to make regarding our home.  In my recent prayer journaling, I wrote:

". . . . . . Thank you for meeting the needs we have.  Continue to show yourself I pray.  Show us what to do with the house.  The worry is exhausting; not having a plan leaves a knot in my throat.  I don't want to NOT be proactive with a plan, but I don't want my planning to step in the way of your plan.  Does that even make sense, Lord?  I will do whatever it is you want, I just need to hear from you.  I love you; I trust you.  Amen.

This is the feather the Lord gave me, just yesterday while at the beach.  It came in a form I would have never even thought of.

Imagine the thousands of people that have walked the boardwalk in the last three days and the Lord brought this man there the exact time I was there to give me this :)  Pretty cool if you ask me.

Please do continue to pray for us.  The Lord has been faithful in providing, we just need clarity.

Continuing to Walk in Victory,

Stacey

JoneSIN

Monday's planning was foiled with a soggy sandwich - hunger was the issue and satan got to me.  I was literally "joneSIN" for a fix.  I was filled with anxiety.  I was sweating bullets; I felt like I was jittery and shaking . . . . I thought I was would explode if I didn't get my hands on some junk food.  Cheetos and chocolate chip cookies were calling my name.  As if that wasn't enough to deal with, my children, who had no clue of the war raging within me, continued to ask for the very items I was craving.  Giving them their snacks literally put a lump in my throat. 

It wasn't until this morning when I looked up the word JoneSIN that I learned how to spell the word.  Instantly my eyes were taken to the last three letters of the word . . . SIN.  Now, hear me say this, I am not saying that eating chocolate chip cookies and Cheetos is a sin; BUT, for me, in this journey of my life, it is.  It has been my desire to reduce the amount of processed foods I can in order to clean my body and get healthy.  Therefore, IF I eat something that I know the Lord does not want for me, it becomes sin.  Again, this is for my life.  Not yours.  There might be a time in the future where the Lord releases me to that, but today, and yesterday, that is not so.  

The word JoeSIN is word used to describe an intense craving for a drug.  Comes from Great Jones Street in New York City, between Broadway and Lafayette Street, a former junkie hangout.  I went through a "jonesin" period from alcohol almost 13 years ago (July 7th I celebrate 13 years of sobriety).  I never thought I would go through it with food.  Based on my increased weight through these nearly 13 years, it obvious I never truly surrendered all of me to the Lord, all I did is trade one addiction (personality) for another. 

I've been reading the book of John through with a group of ladies online.  This morning I read John, Chapter 6.  I am a day behind, but it was perfect timing as what stood out to me in today's reading John 6:27, where Jesus said, "Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you.  On him God the Father has placed his seal of approval."

I'm thankful for a sweet call from my accountable person to encouraged me and put things in perspective; her encouraging words helped me through several rough hours.  What's even more amazing is how my time with the Lord confirmed her words.  That tells me she is walking with Him and in tune with Him.  That's pretty cool :)

Trusting Him today as I learn to walk in Victory,

Stacey