A few weeks ago, as I wrote a post, I was in so much pain it hurt to breathe. For days I lied in the bed, crying, hurt, confused, angry, sad. While, right now, I am not able to share the details of this pain, what I do want to share with you is the victory through the pain.
I realized a few days ago, when I was first confronted with this "pain," that I didn't run. The Stacey prior to salvation a little over 10 years ago, would have ran and ran fast without thinking twice. "Thank you Lord for not even letting that cross my mind." I also realized a person can't always realize how much they love a person until they are hurt by that person. That alone, while the pain was real, made my love grow stronger.
I've never been in one place for long. We moved every few years with the military growing up. The longest I ever stayed anywhere was growing up in Christian City Children's Home in Union City, GA (I was there from 12 to 17), until now. I came to Pensacola on June 20, 1996. I had no where to go and bullied my way into my mom's house. Noone wanted much to do with me because I drank too much, cussed like a sailor and worse, smoked pot, was a thief and jumped from one bed to another. This June 20th I'll be in Pensacola for 13 years. I'm thankful I'm not running any more.
Psalm 147:3 says, "He is the healer of the brokenhearted and He binds up their wounds..." The Lord gave me that scripture in January of 2000 while on a prayer walk at Pensacola Beach. He told me He would be my great big band-aid and that "He would heal my hurts." He has been faithful in doing so.
I sit here, though, in amazement at His goodness though. The pain that radiated so deep in my inner most parts seems to have vanished. Forgiveness has already come and been voiced, steps of mending have been made, unity seems more so than ever before.... even the doubt is gone. wow. Is that crazy?
I can only attribute that to a few things, what the Lord told me at that Most Excellent Way meeting two Tuesday's ago, that I can either "retailiate in the flesh, or submit to the Spirit." Regardless how much I was hurting, what I knew I didn't want was to be separated from the Father. I believe that night, He began the healing process, the very night the pain was inflicted. The other thing I believe, is that people are praying for me that don't even know me. Only three people know the depths of hurt over the last few weeks, yet I have had several emails and people stop me to say how heavy I and my family have been on their hearts and that they had been praying for me. Man that's Jesus!
There's a song I have been thinking about for the last hour or two, and I can't remember all the words. I'm going to try finding it on youtube and put a link up, but to get you started, it has these words in it..."think about His love, think about His goodness, think about His Grace, that brought us through, for as high as the Heaven's above, so great is the measure of our Father's love...." I don't even know if that is the right order of the words for that song, but that's the order He keeps playing over and over in my heart, my mind and my soul.
I know I have rambled, and I know this probably makes absolutely no sense to you at all. Just praise Jesus for healing my heart.
Here's one of the versions of the song I was referring to. Please take a few moments and reflect on His goodness.....
Think About His Love