Last year, on January 7th, I awoke knowing the Lord was going to change my life, but in order for Him to do that, I had to surrender an area of my life I had been holding on to...my eating. I started making a change that very day and on January 9th I signed up for Weight Watchers. In four short months I had lost 35 pounds! I was so proud. In May, I started to not deal with "life" very well. In June I was diagnosed with Depression. I began eating and gorging all over again. As of today, I have gained the 35 pounds I lost and an additional 5. I've had a headache for four days now and my feet have been swollen since Sunday. I imagine my blood pressure is high. Diabetes, Heart Disease, High Cholesterol and Obesity all run in my family. I don't want that. For me, food is just as much of an addiction as is the alcohol I used to consume. Gorging and making bad food choices is just as toxic as consuming alcohol. Now, just because I know the facts does not make this easy for me. While I don't want to die an early death because of me making bad choices in eating habits, I have no will power, self control, or desire to do this. Say what you want, but eating healthy cost more, takes more time to plan, and requires dedication. For this task, I just don't have it in me.... I know, I know, the Holy Spirit that resides in me can do it... I know all the scriptures, I know what He can do, because He has done it for me for nearly 11 years of sobriety... so, here is where I am this very moment. I already started drinking more water a few weeks back. I'm breaking out my 64 oz jug I got from Weight Watchers, I'm digging out my 12 or 14 weeks of pamphlets and my journal guide, and I am going to start making better choices. This is where the title of my post comes in... COUNTING IT SO, THOUGH IT IS NOT, SO IT WILL BE! I have to make a change, I don't want to hate my pictures being taken like at family gatherings this past weekend. I want to be able to go for walks with my kids and not feel like I'm gonna croke! I wanna be able to ride rides at the fair this year with my kids.
So, the big picture, I am ... (holding my breath)...100 pounds over weight. Yikes. My doctor's notes said I was "morbidly obese." (sigh...) I was in such a hurry last year and lost great amounts...3 - 6 pounds a week. I'm scared to lose that much now because I put it all back on so quickly. I know I'm being redundant, I just know I need to make a change... We cannot afford for me to attend the weekly meetings; so I am holding myself accountable first to the Lord, but also to you. Once I have lost my weight goal, I will share my weight with you. However, I will weigh in every Thursday. I will be real, I will be honest. My short term goal is 5 pounds a month. I know that sounds silly, but I am having to put my mind in gear here.
Now that I've not only been real with you, but with myself for the first time in months, I have something cool that Lord gave me this morning...just a few minutes ago actually. I was sitting here, when this bright light caught my attention. (I had opened the outside door in our room to let some fresh air in earlier this a.m.) The piercing light was a sun ray shining through that door, our room, kitchen and reflecting off the computer screen... blinding me. I got up and took a picture. It's not the greatest picture as the trees from my neighbors yard is filtering the light... but it's the same tree filters that allowed me the reflection this morning....
Lamentations 3:22 & 23 says, "Because of the Lord's faithful love, we do not perish, for His mercies never end. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness!" That's the verse He gave me this morning, that every day is a new day, therefore, every day gives me a new HOPE. For me, that's my Father in Heaven, ushering me into His presence, to show me that He is here, that this is the time for me to get well, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. Kind of cool...huh?!
I am still enjoying my sister being home. She is such a great mommy. Hudson is absolutely beautiful.
One of Chris' new medications he takes for diabetes has had a weird affect on him, he is in bed. He never calls in sick to work, but it's making him loo-loo!
I have over 60 pies to make today...so I have to get started.