Saturday, January 14, 2012

"Lord, Turn My Fear, Into Faith . . . "

Our only car broke down Friday afternoon on my way to a cleaning job. 

The intake manifold has a hole in it; either that or there is a blown head gasket.  Estimated repairs ran from $550 to $1200; more if it's the head gasket.  We were without a vehicle indefinitely. 

I went to bed last night unsure.  Was taking it all in; trying to not be faithless, but living in reality.

When I awoke this morning, the heaviness I carried had transformed into a peace that I knew everything was going to be OK.  Not OK with the car; but OK with the circumstances we faced. 

We can learn bus routes.

We can change schedules.

We can walk.

It was going to be OK.

This was my morning's journal notes:

"Well, Lord, where do I begin?  All I know to do is make a list of my fears and give them to you, so here goes:

With no vehicle,
  1. Chris' classes at night -- how will he get home?  9:40 at night in the cold and rain, plus it is so far away to ride a bike
  2. Kaitlyn to school and home
  3. Christopher to PATS and home
  4. Appointments with Christopher's therapist and psychiatrist
  5. Appointments with Christopher's occupational therapist
  6. Appointments with Christopher's speech
  7. The thought of not getting to Pine Summit Baptist Church breaks our (mine and Chris') hearts
  8. Prescriptions for kids
  9. How do I get to the houses I need to clean?
  10. How will Chris get to his side job?
  11. How do I get clothing to Nothing Lost Outreach for the homeless?
I am sure there are more than that underneath the yuck and frustrations.  I don't know your reasons for allowing us to lose our only car, but I give you this list of worries. 

Turn my fears into faith and opportunities to glorify You, Lord.  I'll do it time and time again.

I trust Your provisions to either have the car repaired or replaced; or money to ride the bus and a peace while working out schedules. 

While I am fighting emotions, I need You to know I trust You.

I reiterate again, what I have said before, I'll take poor with You than riches on earth any day.

Take my fears, answer them as praises - be glorified."

Then my "Jesus Calling" devotional (which I always read AFTER journaling) read,

"LET ME BLESS YOU with My grace and Peace.  Open your heart and mind to receive all that I have for you.  Do not be ashamed of your emptiness.  Instead, view it as the optimal condition for being filled with My Peace.

It is easy to touch up your outward appearance, to look as if you have it all together.  Your attempts to look good can fool most people.  But I see straight through you, into the depths of your being.  There is no place for pretense in your relationship with Me.  Rejoice in the relief of being fully understood.  Talk with Me about your struggles and feelings of inadequacy.  Little by little, I will transform your weakness (the fear I journaled about) into strengths (the faith I desire).  Remember that your relationship with Me is saturated in grace.  Therefore, nothing that you do or don't do can separate you from My presence."

I Samuel 16:7, But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Romans 8:38 - 39, "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

That quickly, He confirmed my hearts desire to trust Him more!

We had  UpWard Basketball games this morning at Olive Baptist. 

My sister picked us up and took us home.  I am thankful for her husband in coordinating transportation for his family, so my family could get there. 

On the way home I had a message from the mechanic.  Our last conversation last night was for him to not do anything as we only had $200 to our name and that was for the power bill; that I would call him today and let him know what we would do with the car.

His message stated that he had a mechanic that does side work.  The mechanic had a used manifold thing (the part that has a hole in it). The cost (including the used part and his labor), $140.  If he can not reuse my car's oil gasket's, then it would be $40 more.  If I was interested, to give him a call.



Our car  now sits in our driveway.  It was ready before 4:00 p.m. today.

The total was $160.  The extra $20 had to cover new spark plus as the ones that were in it were destroyed from gasoline flooding the engine.

There is no warranty; but we have a car.  I'm not worried though, who needs a warranty when I have a Savior.

A Savior that tells me "my ways are not His ways."

A Savior that tells me, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"

A Savior that tells me, to "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. "

I could go on with all the scripture references of His provisions, of His merciful and gracious hand, but I will leave you with an encouraging word and scripture that I received from a dear sweet friend . . . . she wrote,

"Had you on my mind and God breathed this verse (though I don't usually quote the last sentence, you need it!): 

"There is none like the God of Israel who rides the heavens to your help (MY rescuer) and through the skies in His majesty.  The eternal God is a dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms.  And He drove out the enemy from before you, and said, 'DESTROY!' "  Deut. 33:26-27

As I am covered in goosebumps from that scripture, THIS SONG came to my mind! 


"Father, I pray you will find me faithful in glorifying You, in all things.  Forgive me when my faith is little.  I praise You for Your provisions.  Thank you for the way you met the needs of our family.  I praise You Father!  Amen!"

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