When God Speaks

Have you ever had a moment when you know you heard from Heaven?

It's not usually something you can ignore; but we are still given that free will.

To obey, or not to obey.

It's that instant that you know you have to turn the car around and get to where you know God is telling you to go, but if you do you will be late for something else, or you know God is putting someone on your heart and you KNOW you should take the time to call or text or email, or even the worse . . . . . stop by unannounced (aaagghhh!) . . . . . but who does that anymore, right?  Why have we, as a society become so unpersonable?  

(On a side-note, if you ever stop by unannounced, REMEMBER, you are stopping by to see me, not the house or the yard cause it will likely be a mess.  If that bothers you, you are more than welcome to help me clean it!  ;)  

I had one of those moments today.

A complete WOW moment to the point where I couldn't wait to do what to the Lord was telling me to do.

A few months ago we started having regular car problems, to the point where we haven't had a car more than we have. 

Two weeks ago, our washing machine died that is less than two years old.  A friend helped us by process of elimination to determine what was going on, and he said it was the motor and it would cost more to repair than to buy a used one.  So, inbetween having no car and no washing me, I have been washing clothes in the bathtub.  I explain that because today we got the car back (I know, yippee!) so I loaded up two baskets of the sheets and towels we have been using for the puppies to take to the laundry mat.  

Christopher and I go pick up Kaitlyn from school and start on our way.  I thought I would get them a drink from McD's since we don't have air in the car and we would be at the laundry mat for a while . . . . but then I look at the clock and it is 2:08. 

Happy Hour at SONICS!  Half price drinks!  

In that split second, I get in the right lane instead of the left lane.

Then I see her.  

A middle aged black lady walking across the street, using the crosswalk at the West Florida Hospital light.  She was using a seeing eye cane . . . . one that a person with limited or no vision would use.  

As the bus in front of me pulled out, I was able to move up.  

I could see that she was physically trying to fight back her tears, but they continued to flow.

As soon as I made the turn, the Lord said, "go."  

My prayer instantly became, "Lord, if you want me to speak to her, then you have to let her be there when I get back there.  Lord, this is Davis Hwy, if you want me to speak to her, you have to give me a safe place to park so my children won't be in harms way and I don't cause an accident."

As I turned right on Johnson and took the first right past the fire station my kids started asking questions.  

"Where are you going?  What's wrong mom?  This isn't how you get to Sonic!"

All I had to tell them was that I think God wants me to go hug that lady that crying.

Christopher immediately knew who I speaking of.

As I turned right onto Olive, then back to Davis, my heart started pounding as we looked for her.

Then we saw her, and I knew.  

She was walking the sidewalk just pass the elementary school and towards the weekly hotel.  In front, is a HUGE blocked off area not intended for highway traffic or parking, but gave me plenty of room to pull off the road so my children would be safe and I could talk to her.

She must have some vision, as when I whipped the car in I scared her.

I got out of the car, told her I saw her crying at the other intersection and wanted to see if she was OK.

To that, she shook her head no and said, "I just feel like I'm invisible." and with that, the tears of pain began to flow uncontrollably.

I asked her if I could hug her and she said no.

With that response, I asked her if I could pray for her, and she said, "Yes." 

"May I hold your hand?" I asked. 

"Yes." she responded.

Within that moment, all worry about my kids disappeared and the sound  of traffic on Davis Hwy went away.  

It was just me.  Her.  And the Holy Spirit. 

While praying, the Holy Spirit told me to remind her that she is the apple of His eye.  That she is precious to Him and more valuable than she could imagine.  He told me to remind her that He knows the number of hairs on her head and that He is the healer of the brokenhearted.

Throughout the prayer, she pleaded, "Yes, Jesus." over and over as she wept.

After the prayer time I asked her if I could give her a ride anywhere.  She lives at the weekly hotel that she was in front of.  She has a guide dog that was in her room.

My assumption is she received some bad news from the hospital; or maybe she was looked over one time too many because of her disability.

I don't know the answer to the why's or what's wrong, but what I know is that today, God chose to use a wretch like me; a once drunk, hootchie, thief, liar, and God hater, to pray for a woman that felt invisible here on earth.

Oh what an honor.  

Do you know that you are that important to God too?

That He adores you!  That He will send strangers to you to encourage you because HE LOVES YOU THAT MUCH!

In Psalms 17, verses 8 & 9, the Bible says, "Keep me as the apple of your eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings, from the wicked that oppress me, from my deadly enemies, who compass me about."

YOU ARE THE APPLE OF HIS EYE!

In Luke 12:7, the Bible says, "But even the very hairs on your head are ALL numbered.  Fear not, therefore; YOU are more valuable than sparrows."

GOD KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU!  YOU ARE MORE VALUABLE TO HIM THAN SPARROWS!

In Psalm 147:3, the Bible says, "He is the healer of the brokenhearted and He binds up their wounds."

GOD WANTS TO HEAL YOUR HURTS!

The scriptures tell us in Psalm 139:13 -16, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

YOU WERE KNIT TOGETHER PRECISELY THE WAY GOD WANTED YOU MADE!  GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES!

Oh friend, I don't know what you are toiling with today; but what I do know is there is a Father in Heaven that adores you.  He wants to have a relationship with you.  If you do not know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, you can know Him this very moment.

The scriptures say that by believing in your heart, and confessing Him as Lord publicly, you can be saved!  The scriptures also say that we are ALL sinners; that NONE of us are righteous.  We can not earn our way into heaven and we can not do good enough or earn our way in.  He is the only way.  I pray that if you are interested in knowing Jesus as Lord that you will email me at thepadens@cox.net or leave a comment below if you would like for me to contact you.

Maybe you know Jesus as Lord but have forgotten just Whose you are.  You are the Prince/Princess of a King!  King Jesus!  He is the forgiver of sins!  The sustainer of life!  The provider of all resources!  

AND . . . . .

HE. LOVES. YOU!

Radical Restoration

Before you read this, please know, not one word has been typed that my husband has not read.  He is my greatest support and encourager.  He's my best friend :)  His hope, as well as mine, is that by sharing our story, one more marriage will be radically restored!


The word radical is defined as different from usual or traditional; extreme.


The word restoration (restore) is defined as to bring back to or put back into a former or original state, to renew.


As I looked these words up, I chuckled.


Let me explain.


Our Pastor started a new sermon series on "Marriage" a few weeks back.


Yesterday, being Mother's Day, we received a message that was far from directed to mothers, but to the men in the congregation on how to treat their wives, mother's, daughters.


It was powerful.


I laughed, teared up, and walked away thankful.


There was a time when I would have had nothing good to say about my husband and had a list of everything wrong he was doing; but yesterday, not only were the chuckles for some of the irritating and goofy things men in general do, but the Lord showed me in the many areas my husband had grown in our marriage.


I spent 3 years and 6 months, not only angry at my husband, but also angry at God.  I was ready to quit, not only my marriage, but God.  I felt abandoned by the one thing I knew, my faith.


When Chris and I got married I would have never imagined I would have to process what was coming.


For 28 years I had lived like the world.  I involved myself in sex, drugs, alcohol; and those activities were a daily part of my life.  When I gave my heart to the Lord, I believed Christian men would never party at strip clubs, look at porn or cheat on their wives.


Boy, did I have a lot to learn.


My expectations were naive.


I came home from being gone for three days and two nights with a modeling event for Kayla.


Nothing seemed different, everything was as it should be.


A few days later I went to look at my laptop history to find a link I had googled before leaving town.


The history had been cleared.  I was confused, so asked Chris about it.  He said it was nothing.


The next night, I "accidentally" accessed my laptop history in a way I didn't know I could.


Chris obviously didn't know it either, because there it was.


Porn.


On my laptop.


It couldn't be.


My mind began racing and my heart beating so hard I couldn't process or think.


This couldn't be.


"Not Chris.  He would NEVER do this!"


I specifically remember thinking, "I married a christian man so I would NEVER have to worry about this sort of thing EVER!"


I believed I would never "feel" inferior to any woman ever again because the christian man I marry would always treat me like fine jewels and love me for who I was . . . .  for my fat, my cellulite, my rolls, my sags . . . it was going to be real love.


Those feelings of security, were gone in a flash.


The confrontation was tough.


I made his life a living hell for months and months to come.  We slept in separate rooms and if that wasn't available, he slept on a pallet on the floor.


Life as we new it was gone.


There were counseling sessions, accountability partners, steps to try and "make it right," but none of it was good enough for me.


I doubted everything.


The thought of looking at him or even touching him brought me anguish and disgust.  My daily prayer was continuously, "God do whatever it takes to bring him to his knees."  It was not a prayer of sincerity, but revenge.  In fact, many days I begged God to release me from the marriage; even secretly thinking it would be better for him to die because the thought of divorcing him would bring devastation to my children.  Through it all, I didn't want them (our children) to hurt.


In October of 2011 I began praying God would heal my marriage.


On November 4, 2011, He began showing me answers to that prayer.


I realized my husband was funny; that I had missed him; that he really was sorry for the pain he caused.


I couldn't explain it, but God was healing my heart.


In these last six months, not only has forgiveness taken place in my heart; but a love and passion so far beyond what our marriage started at that it seems unreal.


I miss him when he is at work or in class.  I yearn for those hugs I so often would reject.  Holding his hand brings me the butterflies in my tummy that once lived there when we were dating and first married.  There is a respect I have for my husband now, that I must shamefully say I never had before.


Here me, and here me clear; I am not excusing my husband's actions.  What my husband did in May of 2009 was wrong.  In my heart I believed he had committed adultery.  Getting over that was tough.  BUT, it was not until I asked God to change MY heart and heal our marriage, that there were any steps of restoration.


Through those 3 years and 6 months, I had forgotten that there were two of us.  While I knew I wasn't "perfect," I felt like my "sin" of holding bitterness and rejection was nothing compared to what "he did."  I felt like he needed to suffer and I made sure he did.


Me walking in disobedience of not reconciling with my husband was just as wrong as what my husband did.  


Sin is sin.


I can not tell you how that first prayer of, "Lord heal our marriage." began changing everything.  AND to be completely honest, I didn't mean it when I wrote it in my journal.  I wrote what I knew the Lord was telling me to write.  I wrote in obedience, and that was it.  My heart was not in it.


So when I think of restoration, and saw that definition, "to take back to the original state," I thought, "I sure don't want to go back to the original state, cause our marriage is in a MUCH better state; BUT, to have been given RADICAL restoration; yeah.  I'll take it!"


May I encourage you; ladies, to pray for your husband's, your son's, your father's, your pastor's.  Ask God to give them pure eyes.  Families are being destroyed.  Pray, also, for the men and women involved in the "entertainment" industry.  


I believe  God is still in the miracle business.  We, as Christian American's, can turn this world around!

Matthew 6:22, "The eye is the lamp of the body, and if your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light."

Let The Healing Begin . . . .

A friend posted this photo on fb this morning; it has had me reflecting on many "things."

One thing I have learned through the last few years is our (my) riches are NOT what is in the bank; or the car(s) that we drive; the houses we live in; the clothes and shoes (or the brands) we wear; or the certain type phone we JUST HAVE TO HAVE; and God forbid we miss our pedicure appointment . . . .

I'm not saying IF you have these things you (or I) are/am bad, I'm saying these THINGS do not define me; BUT what does define me, is WHOSE I am.

I have struggled with self worth because I couldn't do financially or give in abundance as others can.  I found myself asking the Lord, "Lord, what good am I to a church with a measly $4.50 tithe?!" 

I have also lived so many years of my life coveting what others have and struggling with jealousy.  BUT God has brought me through it; to a place that is pretty dang awesome.  "Getting it" is an honor; to know the Lord took the time (and AGAIN . . . it's been years!) to bring me through heart ache, pain, disappointment, anger, jealousy an envy . . . . to be "OK." 

For several years the Lord kept giving me the scripture found in Acts 3:6; and two weeks ago, He hounded it on me so hard that"I FINALLY got it!"

It reads, "But Peter said, "I do not possess silver and gold, but what I do have I give to you: In the name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene-- walk!"

What God has given me is more than silver and gold (BUT, obedience comes with every level of income . . . . the Bible doesn't say, "IF you make less than this amount, then you don't have to give . . . nope; not in there!).

For me, though, my faith has also become a faith that comes with "picking up your (my) mat and walk (in service)!  

John 5:8 says, Then Jesus said to him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk."   If the lame man had never picked up his mat, and walked, He would have never known Jesus had healed him!

I am truly a blessed woman.

God is moving in our family.  It's scary (if I am to be real) of the unknown; but it is awe-inspiring to see it being revealed.

The Lord gave me a visual, using MY CAT this past week!  He's been angry for two years at us for bringing in another cat.  (This is the one that was so sick we thought he was dying.)  He has had nothing to do with ANY of us for literally two years.  If we picked  him up, he would growl, claw and hiss to get away from us.  He attacked the other cats as well.  He was just an out-right bully.  However, out of the clear blue, three days ago, he started jumping in my lap and loving on me.  We were ALL shocked!  I said to him, "It's about time bandit.  You've had this entire house in an uproar for two years cause you got mad."

The Lord then spoke to my heart and said, "It's about time, Stacey, you've been angry and refusing to forgive for going on THREE years now.  You've had this entire house in an uproar because you refuse to forgive."

Maybe I need to say that again, "It's about time, Stacey, you've been angry and refusing to forgive for going on THREE years now.  You've had this entire house in an uproar because you refuse to forgive."

How could I argue with that.  I couldn't.  No more trying to justify and pass blame, no more regrets, no more praying the Lord would "get me out of this,"

No more. 

It's time.

The next morning, as the cat the Lord used to speak words of life to me jumped in my lap, the Lord told me to pray for my marriage.  Period.  Pray for your marriage.  Don't ask for a way out, don't be angry, stop casting blame, just pray.

In that moment, I took a deep breath and wrote, "Lord I pray for my marriage."

I didn't know what else to pray, so left it at that. 

As I reflected through the last few months of journaling, the Lord showed me how my prayer/journaling time is always for others, for other ministries, families or my kids; but never for my husband or our marriage, never for my heart to heal and begin to move on.  In fact, it was more often that my prayers for our marriage was in bitterness and anger.

In just the last few days, God has begun a work.  "Lord heal my marriage and heal my heart, and let it be OK," has become a daily prayer of mine.

Folks, I couldn't do it.  In fact, I refused to do it.  I wasn't going to budge and that was it.  I tried to justify my anger by saying, "I didn't do anything wrong."  As I type this my heart is filled with tears of awe-ness, that while I didn't know how to forgive; and honestly didn't want it, God did (and does) want me to; and He used a mean, ole' ornery cat to do it.  While I have many "things" to work through, it is a process; and I know with Him in charge of the process, everything is going to be OK.

Well, I didn't intend on getting into all that today.  I knew the Lord was prompting me to write about it.  In my prayer time (just this morning), I wrote, "Lord, when You are ready for me to share, give me the words." I guess He was ready for me to share cause none of THAT had anything to do with what the image above did to my heart!

Thanks for stopping by my blog today.

The Lord has been speaking to my heart for months now about some changes that are coming.  I don't think He would have taken us to the next phase of service if my heart wasn't right. 

With that, I ask you to please continue to pray for our family and the changes that are coming.

Continuing to Walk in Victory,

Stacey

Psalm 147:3, "He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds."