Sunday, June 24, 2012

Suffocating Contentment

Monday a.m.


I went to bed sad last night and fighting tears of fear . . . . worse than fear.  Scared deep within of the unknown.


While my eyes were, and still are, set on the circumstances that surround me, I find myself thinking of my faith, and probably lack of.  


The scripture tells us to keep our eyes on the unseen . . .  but that is not suppose to mean our circumstances; but the faith of Christ.


2 Corinthians 4: 16 - 18,  Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.


This morning, while I am still fighting tears, one scripture came to mind.


Philippians 4:11 - 12, I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry,whether living in plenty or in want.


There are so many that have it worse than we do.  


Look at the birds of the air . . . . 






My heart is sad tonight.

We must make some very hard decisions; decisions that we don't want to make.

Our property taxes that were due in November still have not been paid.

God has met our daily needs; and we, I, have been so, so thankful to see His hand in our day to day living.  While I try and remain hopeful, I just can't get past it .  . . . .

Why not this?

Do we sell our only car to pay the property taxes?

Do we sell the only place we can call home?

Do we live here as long as we can and just walk away to whoever pays the property taxes?

Do we give up?

Where would we go if we do sell?

The house is not livable for someone else to buy; it would have to be destroyed.

Oh my heart.

In my mind, I keeping thinking, "It's been a great ride of the Lord's provisions."

For twenty-two months the Lord has proven Himself faithful to our family day after day, after day.

So why don't I have clarity and peace over what is yet to come?

I am trying to remain hopeful in what really seems like a hopeless situation (can't stand the word hopeless . . . it is so NOT like my God).

We need guidance.

Please pray that we would have ears to hear and a receptive heart.

This momma is tired of trying to hold things together.



5 comments:

Tomand Selena said...

Praying that God will provide & meet every need!!!

Anonymous said...

Praying that a mighty God is working behind the scenes in your favor. God can hold everything together even when it looks like it is falling apart. You are a blessed woman. I had to ask the county if I could pay a little at a time on my back taxes---I know you've probably looked at every angle. Can they even go back and reduce the tax (have you been over charged) if, as you say the home is in bad repair? I pray to remember that the battle belongs to the Lord in this matter and that He will give you wisdom, lift your load and He is already in your tomorrows. GOD BLESS YOU AND EVERY ONE IN YOUR SWEET FAMILY---JC

Anonymous said...

Praying that a mighty God is working behind the scenes in your favor. God can hold everything together even when it looks like it is falling apart. You are a blessed woman. I had to ask the county if I could pay a little at a time on my back taxes---I know you've probably looked at every angle. Can they even go back and reduce the tax (have you been over charged) if, as you say the home is in bad repair? I pray to remember that the battle belongs to the Lord in this matter and that He will give you wisdom, lift your load and He is already in your tomorrows. GOD BLESS YOU AND EVERY ONE IN YOUR SWEET FAMILY---JC

Anonymous said...

I stumbled across your blog today- led more like it and appreciate more than I can express your candor and wisdom shining through your writing about life and God.

After a devastating loss, grief and unrelenting fear a few short years ago -- a very ill husband as well, with the burden landing directly on my shoulders I thought I could bear no more, but when ever I thought I can't do this, it was asked of me. On and on to the next thing.

I held tight to God, to Jesus to light in such darkness as is indescribable.

These three years later where I am is not better or worse, it just is. What makes it well is I am safe, I am content - my family is safe. There was pain and great sacrifice.

But a family stays, God stays, life stays, laughter stays. You breathe and do the next right thing. Faith will take care of the rest. I think the mistake is in believing it will be painless. The point is God is with you, you are never alone with heartache.

blessings and love
sober since March 2010

Stacey said...

Dear friend that is sober since March 2010, you blessed my weary soul today! Thank you for sharing your heart and being real. I will be praying for you and hope to hear from you again! Blessings to you! Stacey