Suffocating Contentment

Monday a.m.


I went to bed sad last night and fighting tears of fear . . . . worse than fear.  Scared deep within of the unknown.


While my eyes were, and still are, set on the circumstances that surround me, I find myself thinking of my faith, and probably lack of.  


The scripture tells us to keep our eyes on the unseen . . .  but that is not suppose to mean our circumstances; but the faith of Christ.


^{2 Corinthians 4: 16 - 18,}  Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.


This morning, while I am still fighting tears, one scripture came to mind.


Philippians 4:11 - 12, I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry,whether living in plenty or in want.


There are so many that have it worse than we do.  


Look at the birds of the air . . . . 






My heart is sad tonight.

We must make some very hard decisions; decisions that we don't want to make.

Our property taxes that were due in November still have not been paid.

God has met our daily needs; and we, I, have been so, so thankful to see His hand in our day to day living.  While I try and remain hopeful, I just can't get past it .  . . . .

Why not this?

Do we sell our only car to pay the property taxes?

Do we sell the only place we can call home?

Do we live here as long as we can and just walk away to whoever pays the property taxes?

Do we give up?

Where would we go if we do sell?

The house is not livable for someone else to buy; it would have to be destroyed.

Oh my heart.

In my mind, I keeping thinking, "It's been a great ride of the Lord's provisions."

For twenty-two months the Lord has proven Himself faithful to our family day after day, after day.

So why don't I have clarity and peace over what is yet to come?

I am trying to remain hopeful in what really seems like a hopeless situation (can't stand the word hopeless . . . it is so NOT like my God).

We need guidance.

Please pray that we would have ears to hear and a receptive heart.

This momma is tired of trying to hold things together.

When God Moves

Today, Sunday, June 17th, we celebrate Father's Day.

There was a time when I could care less about my dad.  He and I had both made stupid choices; and he and I both are so stubborn and hard headed that neither of us would budge, even if our lives are at stake.  

But, if you know me, you know that I'm not like that anymore . . . . :D  (Sorry, but I had to shake my head and laugh at that one!)

A lot of time was missed.

Until God moved.

When God moves, one knows it.

He restores.

He blesses.

He encourages.

He provides.

He loves.

He whispers softly.

He speaks loudly.

He brings on tears (of thankfulness and sorrow).

He picks one up (not always the pieces, because there are always consequences).

He challenges.

He takes away.

He gives.

He strengthens.

God, The Father, can take any circumstance and use it for good.

Will you let Him?

God, The Father, gives us free will in everything.  That means we have a choice to make.

In everything.

In everything, there are consequences.

I was an adult before I realized good choices equal good consequences.

Genesis 50:20 tells us that what others mean for evil against us, God means it for good, to bring about what is happening this day. (that is obviously my translation, but you can look it up :)

Sometimes the "evil" that happens are the result of our own actions . . . the consequences of those actions . . . .

But God . . . . can turn it into good for His glory, IF (there's that free will) we let Him.

*Sigh*

I have no clue if any of this makes sense, but since I woke up this morning, I sensed the Lord wanting to share about my dad . . . . and all this other just came.  So if it is a bunch of rambling; I'm sorry.

My dad served in the United States Marine Corps for 21 years.

My dad was, and still is awesome.

I love the fact, that even when I know my dad is not going to agree, I can call on him and he will give non-prejudice advice.  Sound advice.  Tough advice.  Loving advice.  That is something that keeps me going back time and time again . . . . "Dad, I need guidance and my emotions are involved.  Can you help me see through it?"  He always has.

That, I will always treasure :)

The following is a picture of my dad, pictured with his dad, my Pappow.

I miss my Pappow every day, but am thankful for the days that I still have with my dad.

This is an OLD picture of my brother, sister, and me with my dad, but just felt it appropriate to add it.

I hope you all, especially my dad and my husband, have a wonderful Father's Day!  And for the single mom's that are out there, raising your children on your own . . . I pray your day is doubly blessed!  I pray you will recognize the Father in Heaven, that is a Father to the fatherless, and a husband to the "spouseless."

Stacey

Animal Rescue Contest

Hey Friends!

I need your help!

Our family has been fostering puppies since February through SouthBARK Animal Rescue.  Many of the puppies and dog they pull from death row from various shelters, leave sickly; which requires extra vetting; which means more money to pay out!

There is a contest going on at The Animal Rescue Site.

We are currently in 7th place; but need a LOT more votes to even get close!

Would you please help us out?

When you vote, please type in SouthBARK.  Location is Loxley, AL.  You can vote once a day; BUT, if you are like me and use Internet Explorer and google plus; then you can use both providers and actually get TWO votes in a day!  If you have internet on your phone, that is another resource as well!

PLEASE share this post on your blog or fb page!  The extra votes could earn us a 1st place spot and bring in money that will save lives!

Thank you!

Stacey

Thirty-two Hours With No Seizures!

We started with nine.  We are down to three.

Monday night, I slept on the floor in the puppy room . . . . well, cat-napped. 

Whining awoke me at 1 a.m., so when I went in to check on them, "Zeus" was seizing.  There were no vets opened at that time and I sure didn't want him lying there for five more hours like that, so I did what anybody else would do.


I got a big, over-sized blanket for me to sit/lay on and a towel to wrap him up and held  him in my arms for until 5:45 a.m.


"Zeus" rested in my arms all night long while I sang to him. 


As soon as I sat down with Zeus, his siblings came running.


This is a horrible picture, but I wanted to catch the moment of sweetness of them cuddled around their brother.

Zeus is in the white blanket lying in my arms.  Pickles is on top with his head drooping over.  Bear is the one with the black nose just at my fingertips and the one at the bottom of the screen . . . . we are calling "Sunshine."  I couldn't remember all the names, so the ones I couldn't remember I gave nicknames.  :)  We call her Sunshine because she, so far, has never stopped being our ray of hope and excitement.


With every seizure, I sang.  He would look at me with those gorgeous eyes as if he knew I was doing everything in my power to bring him comfort in his last hours.  When I fell asleep and he started seizing, the tremors would wake me, and I would start singing again.


Bear moaned and groaned all night, and was very restless, but he had no seizures.  As I was leaving to take Zeus in the vet at 6 a.m., Bear had his first seizure. 


Both were taken in and are now out of pain. 


Today there are three puppies playing in the "sick puppy room."


They are eating wet puppy food now, as well as enjoying scrambled eggs several times a day, Chicken Noodle Soup, and Gatorade!  The vet said Chicken Noodle Soup and Gatorade are the best to feed them right now, so that is what they are getting!


A few days ago, I seemed to feel I had lost all hope of any of them surviving.  


Today, while trying to not set myself up for major disappointment, I can't help but have a glimmer of hope and excitement . . . . especially when I walk in the room and "Mr. Pickles" runs up and bites my big toe!  


Hearing them barking and yapping is a much, much better sound than whining and crying!


Pray for these babies.  As of this time, we have been 32 hours with no seizures.

More Than A Puppy Post!

We have lost four, ten week old lab mix puppies in less than 72 hours.


A friend needed help.  She had nine puppies that had been diagnosed with Coccidia, which had already been at my house, so I felt it was safe to bring them here.


Little did she, or I know, they also had Distemper.


I thank the Lord we kept them in complete isolation.


Today, at 8:03, the precious Hershey took his last breath.


This has caused me much pain.  I thought I had "figured this thing called distemper out."


The ones that looked the worse were going to go.


But that's not the case.


Hershey, while he had pneumonia, seemed to be improving.  He was the largest of the puppies.  He ate steadily and drank lots of water, Gatorade, and Chicken Broth.  His fever broke on Saturday so in my heart, I knew he would survive.  Even his cough and green snotty nose had cleared up!


Last night he had a 15 second seizure.  I gave him fluids in hopes it was from low blood sugars.


Throughout the night there were no other signs of seizures.


When I checked on him this morning, he was seizing.


When he heard my voice, he tried running to me; but apparently because of the the seizure, he lost his vision.


He kept bouncing into every wall trying to get to me.


I threw on my clothes and drove as fast, and as safe as I could to the vet for the dreaded euthanasia.


I tried laying Hershey in the seat next to me.  He was wrapped firmly in a towel; but that didn't work.


He wanted me; to be held.


While trying to make things work, I was reminded of a post a friend posted on my fb page yesterday, about a song that came to her mind when she read about the puppies.


She reminded me, that "His Eye Is On The Sparrow" and that she couldn't help but think that His eyes are on the puppies as well.


As I drove Hershey to what would be Hershey's place of rest, the Lord reminded of the words of that song; and then I remembered . . . . Jesus Loves Me.


When I first got sober and eventually came to know the Lord, there was a spiritual battle over my life.


Nightmares, dry drunks, emotional craziness . . . . it was horrible.


The only "spiritual" song I knew was "Jesus Loves Me."


When I get scared, when I get overwhelmed, when I get anxious, when I worry, when I just don't know what to do, I still sing, "Jesus Loves Me."


When my kids have nightmares; we sing that song together.


My hopes, that they always remember and know, that through life's hardest trials, the only thing that REALLY, REALLY matters (after salvation, of course!), is that Jesus Loves them . . . . right where they are.


And so with that, I drove, and I sang . . . . .


"Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so!  Little ones to Him belong; they are weak, but He is strong!  YES!  Jesus loves me!  Yes! Jesus loves me!  Yes! Jesus loves me!  The Bible tells me so!"


over and over with Hershey wrapped tight in my arms.

I don't even remember the drive to the vet; but I remember looking into his eyes and singing as loud as I could over the seizure that brought whimpering and vomiting.

Through Hershey's death, the Lord also revealed another known fact, but one I often forget.

"Things aren't always like they seem."

Hershey was the largest puppy of the nine.  He was the most playful.  He, in my opinion, was the most beautiful; but that didn't matter.

On the inside, in his body, and in his brain, he was sickly. 

He has me fooled.

So it is in so many of people's lives.

We put up a front that everything is fine.  

We have the best of the best.  

We put on our pretty smile.

We always look our best and always talk "smack."

But on the inside, we are dying.

Those of us on the other side of the spectrum of "having and looking their best" are just as guilty.  

We live in discontentment.

We live in jealousy.

We live in disappointment.

The scriptures tell us in Psalm 118:8, "It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans."


Matthew 6:33 says, "BUT, seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."  By seeking Him first, and seeking His righteousness, all these things (what you wear and what you eat), will be provided for.


I Timothy 6:6 tells me that "godliness actually is a means of great gain when accompanied by contentment."


Oh the things we can learn and be reminded of in scripture . . . even through the death of a pup.

And that makes me smile :)

The Special Mother

A friend sent me this today, her timing was impeccable.

If you are a mom of a special needs child, you were picked by the Master.  :)

"Thought about you Stacey - you're such an awesome mom!"

The Special Mother
by Erma Bombeck

Did you ever wonder how mothers of disabled children were chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over the Earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"This one gets a daughter. The Patron saint will be Cecelia."

"This one gets twins. The Patron saint will be Matthew."

"This one gets a son. The Patron saint.... give her Gerard. He's used to profanity"

Finally He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a disabled child."

The angel is curious, "Why this one God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a disabled child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But has she patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it. I watched her today, she has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world. She has to make him live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles, "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect - she has just enough selfishness."

The angel gasps - "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word'. She will never consider any 'step' ordinary. When her child says "Momma" for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and will know it! I will permit her to see clearly the things I see... ignorance, cruelty, and prejudice... and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing my work as surely as if she is here by my side."

"And what about her Patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid air. God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."

No, I Don't Want Any Cheese With That "Whine!"

I just need to whine.

Take it with a grain of salt and let me relish in self pitty, just for a moment.

I took 4 hyperactive, well, 3 hyperactive and 1 calm spirit (Valentine) to the vet to get all four their health certs to take their trip to Maine, plus my two children, (which the vet would not give me a health certificate for.).

Getting them out of the car, two take off (the dogs, not my children . . . well, yet any way).

Yeap.

One with a leash, and one without a leash.

Do they stop?

Oh no.

They run.

And run.

And run.

(THANK GOD THEY DIDN'T RUN INTO 5 LANES ON CREIGHTON ROAD!)

But nonetheless, they ran.

And ran.

And ran.

My 7 year old Asperger child is screaming and running after them.

My 6 year old emotional child is running so fast after them I don't know WHICH direction they event went!

Meanwhile, I'm DRAGGIN two other pups TRYING to not fall between them switching in and out of my legs!

After catching them, and walking forever back to the vet, Valentine . . . . my sweet, sweet Valentine who NEVER does anything wrong, chews through her leash inside the vets waiting room.

This old lady has her dog running around, which Valentine decides to pounce on to play with, I then entangle this sweet old lady with the other THREE dog leashes and catch her amongst all the chaos!

FINALLY!  Two hours later I am home.

The puppies have survived this horrific ordeal and are sleep after being fed and given cold water.

The pinched nerve in my back is killing me.

When I got up this morning, I had a gut feeling to cancel that dag-gum appointment.  Should have followed that instinct!

Only two of the pups received health certificates.

Will have to take them back next weeek to see if their heat rash is clearned up to get them on the June 15th trip to Maine.

Now, I feel better.

Thanks for letting me, whine.