Let Me See Redemption Win . . . .

I am the mother of two special needs children. 

One boy with Asperger's, mild Tourettes, OCD, Anxiety, Sensory, and Insomnia that is 8 years old. My daughter is 7 and suffers with Sensory and a severe anxiety disorder. 

I praise God for good days, and I am learning to praise God for the oh so bad days. 

This past Saturday my son had a melt down at his cousin's birthday party. His meds were wearing off (which is always an emotional time daily) and then his feelings were hurt that we had to leave the party early . . . . ended in him punching me over and over to get away and then running down the street. 

These sort of days don't happen every day any more, but when they do, it is taxing. 

When Christopher was just days old, God gave us a pediatrician that is so much more than a pediatrician. 

She is a friend. 

An advocate. 

A shoulder to cry to.

She sent me this song song this morning when she should have been sleeping! I wanted to share it for any of you that are worn. Weary. Tired.

There is hope my friend.

His name is Jesus. When we are at our weakest, His strength then shines through. Why? Because we are out of the way! That's why I think so much changes in the night time hours! When we are sleeping our "selves" are out of the way and He works miracles!

My daughter this morning asked me to take a battery out of the clock. I asked, "why?" She responded, "Because I want to control it."

Oi. What a teachable moment God gave me.

"Kaitlyn, you know there are going to be many times in life that we can not control what is happening." I said.

The conversation continued and while it was more than she could comprehend, it was a start.

I pray you are strengthened this day and that you take the time to seek His face.

Shalom.

The Fear No Mother Wants To Know

About eight weeks ago, we had to take Christopher off of  his ADHD medication and his mood stabilizer medication.  The number one side effect with both the meds is aggression.

Christopher already struggles with aggression daily; the medications seemed to intensify it.

If I didn't take him off the meds to see if that helped, his psychiatrist was going to admit him to Lakeview for evaluation.

I started using Young Living Essential Oils to help with the many issues he has.  While the oils work wonderfully, and we LOVE them, I was having to apply much more than I can afford to replenish.  With minimal income, I have not been able to reorder what helps him.

Because of that, and with Christopher's impulsiveness and hyperness worsening to the point I am afraid he is going to hurt himself or someone else, we are forced to put him back on medications.

While this breaks my heart, it is also a relief for my heart.

The last few weeks have been hell.

Today, I experienced a fear I never want to experience again.

Christopher disappeared.

He was mad.

He did something wrong, but as most children with Asperger's, they don't get that "they" are the guilty party . . . . it is "always somebody else has done the wrong," not there's.

I thought he was outside digging.  That is what he usually does when he is mad or angry, or thinking through something.

After about ten minutes, I went to check on him to attempt talking to him to help him understand.

When I went out, he was not there.

After calling and calling, I ran through the house.

No response.

I began searching frantically for my phone to call the police.

I am in full panic mode.

"Why didn't you check on him sooner?  You knew he was mad."

"How far did he get?"

"Oh dear God, please don't let anybody get him!"

Then Chris sees him. . . . . . .

In the circle, sitting on the curb with his stick.

Just sitting . . . .  and hitting his stick on the pavement.

Panic turned into utter relief.

Do I beat him for scaring the living life out of me, or embrace him?

I did neither.

As I walked towards him, Christopher yells, "I am mad at you!  I needed to be away!"

Sitting on the curb, we talked about what happened and the whys; and how dangerous it is for him to leave the yard and not tell anybody.

Then my son and I walked home.

*Sigh*

Just thinking about it makes my head pound.

This was by far the worse incidence that has occurred in the last few weeks,  but we have experienced daily chaos and seen severe regression in his writing and communication skills.

I can not remember the name of the medication that he will be on; I will pick up the script tomorrow and see how long it takes for Medicaid to approve it.

Please be praying for Christopher, for all of us.

We are all affected by this and are desperately ready for a reprieve.